Power of Prayer

As they drew my blood again on Friday, I sat there praying for God to let me have abundant little white blood cells in those two vials she was pulling out of my body. And you know what he has answered again! Not that I'm amazed by his power, but the counts were well over what I dreamed they would be. HE went well over the expectations. My wbc count was 5500, & my grans were 2300. That is the count of a normal, healthy person. Thus, I didn't have to get another Neupogen injection (booster of white cells). Praise HIS name!! What a Christmas present!! I know I have asked many of you to pray for this in particular, & once again our dear Lord has delivered. I was able to go ahead & get my Zometa for my bones. This couldn't come at a better time for us. We are surprising the kids & leaving for Chicago the day after Christmas. When I booked the trip, Anth said "I hope you are going to feel like going". Not only do I feel like going, I won't have to worry as much about being in crowds & catching something with my counts back up. God takes care of his flock!

It is that time that we are trying to wrap it all up, literally & figuratively speaking. Running around, driving to relatives, like we are getting ready to do in a few minutes. I want to thank you all again for remembering me in your prayers during such hectic times. I get back on my chemo cycle on the 31st. We are just going to hang out with the kids & bring in the New Year. My prayer for 2008 is total healing. I read my scan report while I was getting my infusion & while millimeters never seemed big, when it comes to something growing in your body if feels ginormous. Just think...if I get another report like I did before I will be close if not in remission. I will probably get another scan the end of January. My hair continues to grow. I came very close this weekend to just wearing a hat out to dinner. I know it wouldn't have bothered Anth. The kids were with my brother, his wife & my niece in Gatlinburg for the weekend, so we got to have a couple of date nights.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6-7

Deja Vu

As my mother & kids dropped me off this morning for treatment, little did I think that Anthony & I would soon be coming out together & he would be the one to take me back home. But it happened again. Today as I sat getting my blood drawn, I was thinking "surely Lord my white count will be great today, since I didn't get anything last week!" The total wbc count was 3400 & my granulocytes were 600. When I saw the second one I immediately felt sick. Again, I'm all psyched up about getting another treatment down, but it wouldn't happen today. Anthony could see the disappointment as soon as he walked in the door & I immediately had tears in my eyes when I saw him. It's a feeling of what could I have done to prevent this again. I regretted the few sushi pieces I indulged in Saturday night. Everything ran through my mind. Too much shopping, not enough rest, around too many people...all those thoughts just kept racing. LeeAnn was surprised too. She went out & spoke with Dr. Mainwaring & came back & told me he wanted me to get a shot of Neupogen (wbc booster), with another one to follow on Friday. We will see what my count is then & determine when to start back on the cycle. Now I only have chemo twice a month & a bone strengthener at the end of each cycle. Hopefully we will start again on New Years Eve. What a way to bring in the new year!!

After having lunch with my hubby, I came home & slept pretty much all afternoon. My mother helped out with the kids & I slept until Anthony came home. The side effects of the shot are bone pain, & flu like symptoms. It has already hit me. Please pray for my granulocytes to come back up. The cut off was 750 in order to get treatment. I'm sorry this entry is short, but I'm tired & just not feeling up to typing at this point. Love to all!!

I trust that my Lord is taking care of me, by not allowing my body to be making what it needs. Evidently the chemo is still doing its job to cause me not to need it another week. The Lord knows my body better than anyone else. HE has me under his wing. I just struggle with questioning him sometimes. A friend gave me a 90 day devotional called "Praying Through Cancer". It has great scriptures that help remind me that he IS forever faithful. He knows my every need & to surrender it all to him. Every once in a while I need to step back & realize that I can't ever do this alone. I have to keep my eyes & thoughts on HIM.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the LORD always, for the LORD GOD is the eternal rock. Isaiah 26:3-4 NLT

The Week I Missed

I haven't had much time to write lately. The kids got out this past Friday, & earlier last week I felt crappy. It has been a rat race with the kids, appointments, & winter break starting @ noon on Dec. 14th. I tried to keep chugging along & pretend I wasn't feeling tired. I didn't take much time to rest. We had four Christmas parties to attend, so I had to push on. The kids had basketball practice, game on Saturday, & class parties. They helped me get all their gifts together for their teachers & friends which was fun. Unfortunately, I knew Monday before last that something wasn't quite right. I had a sore throat for five days straight, & little energy by the time my next treatment of taxol was due. As I sat waiting on the research nurse to come in & review my labs that I already knew were bad, I couldn't keep the tears from flowing. I knew it was going to be another week without treatment. As she came in, she said wipe that sad face off & let me tell you what Dr. Mainwaring & I have discussed. Ok, as I perked up. I guess they already were anticipating my white blood cells to start taking a nosedive. She had found a part of the study that would allow the taxol to be discontinued if my wbc count was steadily declining. They figured this was the main drug causing the decline anyway. So I left there with nothing. I did rip my wig off for her, before leaving the room of course, & show her how my hair was growing back. She was amazed!! With the taxol being out of the equation now, maybe my hair will continue to come back. I'm not liking all the gray I see though. Before too much longer you may be seeing me with a little spiky "do".

Please continue to pray that my white blood cells will soar by leaps & bounds. I know the doctors know what they are doing with my treatment, but God is the ultimate physician. He knows what my body needs & how much. It is scary for them to take a drug away, since I got the great news a couple weeks ago. There is a chance, of course, & the research nurse mentioned that it may not "pack a punch" like it did, but it is better to take this drug off the regimen & stay on study. LeeAnn (research nurse) is wonderful & I trust her like I do Dr. Mainwaring. I know they are going to do all they can to not jeopardize my being released from the clinical trial study.

Everyone will know that the Lord does not need weapons to rescue his people. It is his battle, not ours.
1 Samuel 17:47 NLT

The Best of News

This is one of the most exciting entries I have gotten to blog so far. I got the best of reports yesterday. My doctor is one of those "cut to the chase" kind of guys, which we appreciate. No use in building up the drama. He walks in quickly like Kramer, & sits down & says "I've got great news. You are responding excellent to the therapy. The scan showed 40-60% decrease in the size of the cancerous areas & lesions in the bones." HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!! SWEET JESUS!!!!! I felt like dancing. He said that as good as I look, my energy level, positive attitude, & minimal side effects, that he wasn't surprised with the results. Can I get an AMEN!! I've got all of you to thank for praying specifically for these things!! He also mentioned that we (me & my support system of prayer warriors) need to focus now more on my white blood cell count. It is worrying him that in the next cycle or two ( cycle=3 chemo treatments & 1 bone building medication), that my WBCs are not going rejuvenate like they should. They have been in a steady decline, & not recovering as well as they would like during my off week of chemo. There are strict guidelines with the clinical trial that could jeopardize me staying on the Avastin. This particular drug is the standard of care now with some types of lung cancer, but hasn't been approved by the FDA for metastatic breast cancer. Maybe six months down the road. Is there anybody out there that could coach me on lobbying for a speedier passing of this? Let me know.

Please, my friends, pray this week for my blood counts. I need to get my full dose of taxol this coming Monday. No more reduced doses from low counts. I received my flu shot Monday too. He did recommend staying well & out of crowds. The kiddos will have plenty of hand sanitizer dispersed. They will have OCD by the time I finish with these treatments..HA.

Also I would like to encourage you to be part of Relay for Life this spring. I think you can access it at relayforlife.org. They are trying to organize teams, so if you are looking for an office activity, please consider this. I'm humbled to have been asked to be one the honorees this year.

I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion. It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. For the scripture says to Pharaoh: I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth. Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden. Romans 9:16-18

This scripture just jumped out at me this morning. I praise God each night for the mercy & grace he bestows on us daily. He is a sovereign God. His word makes it so easy to love him & our Lord Jesus. I just feel so blessed by him, even though he has allowed this to happen to my body. It is there for a reason, and I refuse to question him why anymore.

Almost Monday Again

Let me first start by saying how much I appreciate all the words of encouragement, loving hugs, & interest in my health & family. It means a ton to have so many praying for me & communicating through my blog. God has blessed me with so many wonderful people in my life. Whether you are one of my close friends, or someone I've worked with in the past, or someone I've lost contact with, or just gotten to know me through someone else, I feel God has put everyone in our life for a reason. And I feel I've got the best of all the prayer warriors lifting me up daily. Some days I just don't have it in me to pray like I should. That is why I have people like you!

As many of you know, Monday is a big day for me. I find out the results of the CT scan. I'll have to admit that I'm as nervous as a cat. It isn't the doubt of my Lord not healing me, but the fact that some drugs don't always work for everyone & the thought of having to try something else, would be like starting over. Also this clinical trial I am on has boundaries for lab/blood work. If I continually have something occurring such as low counts, I can get kicked off the study. This is in my best interest I know, but it tends to raise the stress level as tad. I also get a bit fretful a day or two before seeing the doctor once a month. He is a wonderful, caring man for which I'm sooo grateful!

I have felt wonderful these past few days, My weekend has been great! God is blessing me with energy I never expected to have.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear...Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6: 25,27

Friends

It is trying times like this that friends are there to pull you through. The calls, notes, text messages, lunches together can brighten the darkest of days. Sometimes when I don't feel good, just making myself do something with a friend will make me feel better. Just getting my mind on other things. On Monday, I got the pleasure of having a dear friend go with me to my treatment. She was in from Pittsburgh, PA for a job interview, as well as a funeral for her grandfather who passed while she was here for Thanksgiving. We just chatted, & laughed while I received my infusion of Zometa (bone strengthener). I can't wait for her to get moved down here. Also she got me in touch with another friend from high school who has moved back to the 'Boro. We all use to sit together at lunch back at Manchester Central High. Wow! That was a long time ago!!

I got my scan (CT) performed yesterday. Nothing like those two bottles of vanilla smoothie contrast! We probably won't find out the results until Monday. I have to get labs done again tomorrow. Pray my counts are up. My white blood cells are hanging low these days. That has a tendency to keep me away from crowds. I need to get a flu shot, but it isn't a good idea with my counts this low. Pain has been rearing its ugly head lately. Mostly bone pain, which is a side effect of everything I'm getting. I now have progressed from the "Brittany bald" to the "Sinead soft stubble". My head doesn't get as cold these days. I now have two cute crocheted beanies I wear at night. I thank Glenna, a wonderful Christian lady from my hometown church, for making them for me.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Our Thanksgiving Holiday

I already had myself prepared that I might not feel well for Thanksgiving. I had prayed as I do daily for the side effects to be minimal. I kept my energy all week!! I woke up Wednesday & Thursday morning feeling incredibly good. We proceeded to go see Anthony's family in Jamestown. It is a two hour drive, but through God's grace the trip wasn't uncomfortable. Usually my body aches after riding or driving for a while. We spent the afternoon & left around 7:30 or so. Friday we just were lazy, but did manage to have a bit of excitement that afternoon. My very independent son, Austin, decided to hook up a game in the playroom by himself. This involves turning the t.v. a bit sideways. It is one of those at least a decade plus old & BIG & heavy! All the sudden I heard a huge boom & then a scream & running in the hallway upstairs. We flew upstairs to find Austin in his room crying. Afraid he was in trouble, he was apologizing & crying uncontrollably. We were just thanking God that other than it landing on his foot, he was okay. Anthony immediately assessed & iced his foot. He made him stay off of it which meant hanging out in front of the t.v. the rest of the day. Anthony didn't want to x-ray it until the next morning. It was sore, & bruised but not too painful surprisingly. We took him to Anth's office before leaving to go to my mom's house for lunch. The x-ray showed all those sweet little bones to be intact. By the grace of God is all I can say about that mishap. Hopefully he has learned his lesson. By the way...the t.v. came back on, but it is so heavy I couldn't help Anth get it back in the cabinet.

Lunch with my family was wonderful. So much delicious food, no one even wanted to think of dessert when we were finished. And to top the day off, our UT boys came through. Wow! What a game! To Atlanta they go. Wish we were going. I sometimes miss those days of UT football, but our kids stay so busy, it comes down to priorities. Thank you Lord for all the many blessings of family & friends that I got to enjoy. I pray for many more to come.

Only HE knows

I refuse to play the "sick role". I say this because two-thirds of the time I feel "normal & healthy". Today I had one of my several talks with our Maker, & with the holidays coming up it occurred to me that I don't have time for this cancer thing. Yes, it takes a lot of time out of my schedule. I could think of a million other things than going to the flippin oncology office 1-2 times a week. I want to enjoy Thanksgiving with my families, but with the way things have gone the other two times I got my "triplet of toxins" there is a strong possibility that my body won't allow me. It seems each week the chemo plays tricks on me. I never can predict how or when things are going to "kick in". My next scan is on the 28th. Please remember me on that day. Pray that there will be no sign of bone lesions. I feel something powerful going on in my body. The doctor & research nurse tell me I look good & I can honestly say that I dreamed I would look like some pale mutant by now. And get this, my hair is growing back out. I've had two treatments of taxol (the hair remover) since my shave job. I'm not sure if this is another little trick, but unfortunately, I'm seeing way to many gray hairs coming back.


Lately I have run across some articles that give a prognosis of what I have. Needless to say it got me down & a bit scared. Someone asked me at a Halloween party what my prognosis was & I pretty much took offense to it. I told this person that I didn't even ask the doctor because I didn't want to know. Mainly because my three reasons for living were standing three feet away from me. Only our Lord in heaven knows when he will take me. It is not for me to bargain, question, or worry. I did tell my oncologist, as he sat in front of me ready to give me a big hug the day we found out what we were truly dealing with, to be as aggressive with me as possible. The only thing I could think of were my three loved ones who depend on me. Who would pack lunches, find the soup hidden in the pantry, make breakfast chocolate on the weekends, the list is endless??!! None of us know when God will call us home. I am just enjoying each day like it could be my last, just like everyone should be.

God uses the good & the bad in our lives to make us more like Jesus. It is up to us to use those circumstances to his glory. I was reading in Romans 8 & it just fit into what I have written today. Take time to read this passage.

I pray...

God is so good! Each time I sit it one of those chairs & wait for my turn to be hooked up I sit & pray. I pray most of all for no reaction. This can happen at any time, whether it is the first or tenth time you've had it. I pray that it will be a short period of feeling bad & that I can still be a great mom at least part of the week. I pray that every cancer cell is being stopped in its tracks. I pray for courage, strength, & no tears. I get somewhat emotional with each treatment. The fear of not knowing if it is truly working sometimes tries to creep in. I know this is a question of my faith in our Lord & I should not ever doubt HIS abilities. I know he has got to be working on things in my body. It is just too strange not to be having the nausea, & most of all the pain that I'm suppose to be having with the many bone lesions that are from my shoulders to my thigh bones. I'm looking forward to having my next scan to see what has actually taken place. Even though I get that great tasting vanilla contrast (2 bottles)!

This week has been uneventful. Monday night was probably the worst. It was if I was having an out of body experience. I just felt weird. For the most part, I think the steroids they gave me as premeds before the chemo were the culprit. I was nippy, & just wanted to crawl under the covers & hide. I went to bed early because no one could stand to be around me. I called my mom & she came to the rescue on Tuesday morning & stayed until Wednesday afternoon. Having Mom here allowed me to get some extra rest. Anthony & I got to have a date night on Friday. Both kids were spending the night with friends, so that was a nice quiet evening.

My friend just called to see when she needed to pick me up in the morning. Another long day having to get all three drugs. These usually make me feel the worst. I'm hoping it won't affect my appetite for Thanksgiving. If so I can eat with my families over the weekend. It doesn't matter if I miss out on Thursday. It is just another day. I'm thankful for each day I have now. This time next year I will look back & this blog will just be a memory...I pray.

Sapped

I can't believe it's the weekend again! I know time didn't fly like this when I was my childrens' ages. Soon it will be Monday also. I only have my taxol this coming week...thank goodness. This has been a difficult few days. I could feel the effects of Monday's treatment kicking in on Tuesday night. We were at the funeral home for Dr. Bradley (my OB/GYN & Anth's colleague) & I could feel my energy escaping me. Wednesday morning I felt like I had the flu. Anth got the kids off to school without my help. Thursday morning was the same thing. Both were wasted days in the bed. I laid there thinking of what all I needed to be doing & it made me mad. I'm not like this. Don't get me wrong, I have never been a morning person, but staying there all day is just irritating to me. Friday I got my hair cut & highlighted. It has become "more me" now. Saturday was Abby's first basketball game of the season. I had a rough start, but finally got to feeling better just getting out & seeing her out there playing her hardest. Thanks to all of you I got to see today for your kind words, hugs, etc. Sorry this is an abbreviated entry, but I am fighting a cold & starting to feel bad again. Pray my counts stay up so I can get the dose I need on Monday.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:16-19

Sea of Pink

We arrived at Bicentennial Mall in Nashville for Race for the Cure a little before 8 a.m. It was packed with people walking everywhere. It was pretty chilly to say the least. Survivor parking lots full when we got there & they had two. Wow! Anth, the kids, mom & sis & I proceeded to the preregistration tables only to see many long lines. I had everyone grab a line & I went looking for a shorter route to get what we needed. The small t-shirt line was the shortest, & since the kids needed smalls I went to this line. My friend Kristy was already in line, so I jumped in with her. We missed the Survivors Walk, but I knew I would be quite emotional. God has a reason for everything. I was sporting my "do-rag" there with my toboggan over it, until it got too hot. Off the toboggan came!! The kids enjoyed the walk. Hopefully I will get some of our pictures posted. On Friday night, they had already raised $600,000 & expected to go over $750,000. Incredible!! The jewelry, purses, gloves & scarves I purchased last Monday in Atlanta, were flying off the tables. Austin got lost from us for a couple minutes, & he went to the Komen Affiliate booth & found my friend Cate. We weren't far, but he must have gotten turned around, poor little guy.

The walk was amazing. So many affected by breast cancer in some way. There were many wearing "In celebration of" so & so, & thank goodness fewer wearing "in memory of". At one point, I had a lady in front of me, pale & bald, who looked as if she was struggling to take each step. It wasn't long before someone came up with a wheelchair for her. It made me realize how blessed I am to have the energy I've had the past few days & to know all things come from God. I get scanned at the end of the month again. It would be one of the greatest days of my life for them not to find a trace of this thing that thinks it can come in & invade my body without a fight! It doesn't know who all it is dealing with. I've got a shirt that say "I'm One Tough Cookie", a chocolate chip cookie with a face & a bite out of the top & it's pink of course. That's how I feel these days. Please continue your encouraging notes. I love them!!

Officially Bald

Friday was a rather a day I'd not like to revisit ever again. Mostly because it was upsetting to the kids. It felt good to have my head shaved. My head doesn't have that tugging feeling I spoke about in my last entry. When it was taking place, Abby lost it first. I was reassuring her that it was making me feel better, but looking better & feeling better are two different things to a 9 year old. She had rather have me looking better. My new friend Sheryl, who started HPI in Bellevue twenty plus years ago, was wonderful with the kids. As Beverly was cutting my new do, Sheryl gave the kids long pieces with tape on it, so they could entertain themselves. They had hair pieces plastered all over their bodies. They looked like "Cousin It"! Ha! She did bring a picture of me that she had made a month ago when I was there for my consultation. Austin grabbed the picture & immediately started crying. He said "I WANT YOU TO LOOK LIKE THIS!" It was all I could do to keep the tears from flowing. Xanax is a great drug to take before moments like this. Anthony was exhausted from doing surgery all morning, & he feel asleep some during the two hour process.

We rushed back to the 'Boro, my sister & mother arrived at my house the same time we did. Anth & I got ready, the kids had a babysitter, & we all went to the Survivor dinner at the Doubletree in Nashville. We had a great time! I won a doorprize (spa facial)!!! I never win anything!! My mom won a door prize too..a great candle, then at the end they told everyone to look under their chair for a sticky note. Guess who won a beautiful floral centerpiece at our table...mom again. She has won so many door prizes since I've been in this world. Kinda funny! AND she gets pulled over a few times a year (she has a lead foot) & NEVER gets a ticket!! Too funny!

When we got home, I was ready to take that wig thing off. My sister massaged my head & it felt wonderful. Abby even tried to do it too. Bless her heart, this is a huge step toward accepting it. This is going to take some getting used to. I feel like I'm carrying a sign saying "Go ahead, stare at the wig!" It just hasn't become part of me yet. My head gets cold, so I keep a "do-rag" on at home. The wig is only for going out. It still has to be fine tuned per se. A lot more cutting & major highlights or lowlights whatever it needs to be more me.

I'm doing great, feel great, but Monday is coming. It is all good, thanks to our good Lord!! Thanks for everything! Keep praying daily for me.

A Busy Week

My week has been a whirlwind. Monday was a no chemo day, so a dear friend & I went down to Atlanta market to get some great jewelry & other fun stuff for the Susan G. Komen Nashville affiliate. The race is this Saturday, so as their buyer I had to somehow/someway get down to Atlanta & make some purchases. We left Sunday night & came back Monday night. Tuesday, my youngest had a fieldtrip to a Franklin pumpkin patch. It was a neat farm & the kids enjoyed their day out of the classroom. I then proceeded to get the jewelry to my Komen friend & rush back to the 'Boro for an infusion of Zometa. This strengthens my bones, yet one of the side effects is bone pain. They were able to use my new port. The areas around it are slow in healing which scares me. Please continue to pray that these heal & I can keep my port.

My hair continues to come out by the handfuls. I have gotten where I dread another thing...washing my hair. It is amazing that my hair has lasted this long. Being thick helped extend the process. My scalp is tender & it hurts to run the brush through it. It feels as if someone is tugging on my hair. I haven't been tender headed since I was a child. I'm now reliving it. To continue my week chat, Tuesday night ended with the children at a Halloween party & a haunted hayride. We had a great time & I got to see some people, & got lots of hugs, which is always helpful. Wednesday was a bad day. I could tell on Tuesday night after we got home that the Zometa was kicking in. I lost it in front of the kids. The poor things are getting use to my crying moments. So needless to say, I was in bed all day Wednesday. It was also wash the hair day...another crying moment. Anthony came to my rescue, thank God. I was determined to go out on Halloween night, even for a little while. We walked around our neighborhood, until the kids buckets were full, then we went to our backdoor neighbors' house for chili. We all had a good time. It forced me to push on & try to forget the pain I was experiencing.

Thursday I started working on my jewelry purchases. I'm like the Tupperware girl, but with jewelry & purses. Hint for all of you ladies who need some cute gifts. That gets me to Friday, & I have an appointment at the oncologist this morning. More labwork...they are just vampires there. Every time I walk in they want some of it. My counts have been good these last two weeks. That brings me to later today. We are checking the children out of school early & driving to Bellevue so I can get my "Brittany Spears" shaved look & my new "virgin hair". Those two don't belong in the same sentence...HA! I'm somewhat ready for this, because my head is hurting terribly. Also I won't have to dread washing my hair anymore. This hair only has to be washed every two weeks & will already be straight. That will make for recording breaking getting ready time!! I may beat my husband now. I will post pictures of the process.

My sweet sister comes into town this afternoon. Tonight is the Survivor's Dinner for the Komen foundation in Nashville. My mother, sister, Anth & I are all going. Tomorrow is Race for the Cure at Bicentennial Mall. The kids are really looking forward to it. They had so much fun last year.

Thanks again for all your prayers, posts & support. It really helps to know that people care. Sweet Jeanine reminded me of a couple of verses when I was melting on Wednesday. 1 Peter 3:3-4

My New "Do"

It has been a rough couple of days. I take the least little things for granted, such as putting on a t-shirt, getting in & out of a nice relaxing bath & most of all lately the fact that I've been blessed with thick naturally curly hair. Yesterday was pretty much a blur to me. I spent most of the time in bed asleep from surgery on Tuesday. Everything went well. I've got three places on my chest I've got to get healed up before my next treatment on Nov. 5th. If I did happen to talk to any of you lately & I have said something crazy or made no sense whatsoever just forgive me. I've tried to return phone calls today, or text message those of you that have been checking in on me. My chest feels like someone has been using me as a trampoline. Anthony made fun of me trying to turn my head as he walked in the house this afternoon. You would have thought I had whiplash. I feel like I'm in slow motion.

Back to what I said about taking things for granted...as I took a bath today & slowly washed my hair, it shocked me to pull out this big wad of tangled hair. It was the most yet. I had the cell phone by the tub, so I called James & asked him how quick he could get me in to get this mess cut. I was to the point that I was tired of pulling long hair out. Also I knew I could transition better to the GI Jane cut. He already had a style in mind. My sweet mom drove me & Anthony cut his lunch meeting short to come support me. I'm now sporting a Victoria "Posh" Beckham look. Austin & I like it, Anth & Abby aren't too crazy about it. They tend to be the ones that don't deal well with change. HA! Hopefully there will be pictures to import to this entry.

Pray for continued strength & healing of these areas on my chest. I really don't want to lose this port. It is very important because it makes taking treatment much easier. It's a one stick deal. Also it can be used to draw blood. With the cooler weather setting in & increased chance of catching flu & other bugs, you probably won't be seeing me out much. All your notes of encouragement make my cabin fever much more tolerable. Please keep your comments coming. They are very much appreciated.

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:7

The Big Reveal!

Before...

With Mom...

Here we go...

Giving Posh a run for her money!

A Bummer of a Day

I didn't get my treatment today. Rather disappointed, but I know it was for the best. My port-a-cath site has given me a problem. With this skin disease I have had for the last 10 years called Darier's & the Avastin (chemo), I have the tendency to not heal well. What started out as a pin hole where a stitch wasn't absorbed, has increased to the size of a pencil eraser over the weekend. I've had steri-strips on it since my last treatment in hopes it would come together, but instead it decided to "tunnel". I saw Dr. Barton today & he wanted me to see Dr. Carter & see if it could be stitched back up & start anew. Anthony had already told me that the port would probably have to come out. I had the same feeling yesterday when I saw the hole. So at 2p.m. today we were scheduling outpatient surgery at the hospital AGAIN!! Take one out & put another one in on the other side is the plan. I'm so sick of having to be put to sleep. I have to be there at noon with surgery at 1:30 or so. Remember me!!

Trusting in him,
arthanise

My Speaking Engagement

I don't know about most of you guys, but one of my most dreaded classes in college was speech. I saved it until the summer before I started nursing school...procrastination. I worked at a pharmacy part-time, so a pharmacist friend got me some propanolol (an old blood pressure med) to take right before I had to give one of seemingly endless speeches. Well, today I got to use those speech writing skills..HA! I had the privilege to be in a fashion show sponsored by Coldwater Creek in Green Hills for the Susan G. Komen for the Cure-Nashville affiliate. Another young survivor & I were asked to take part in this great event. I sat up late last night typing out what all I wanted to say. The manager of the store wanted me to give a 5 minute or so testimony. At first I thought no problem, but when I sat down to filter through all my experiences over the last 4 years I realized I could possibly write a book. Anyway, it went great & I had family & friends there for moral support. At one point I looked at Anthony & he hid behind the rack, because he knew if I had locked eyes with him, it would have all been over with. The tears would have flowed like a river. I managed to hold it together throughout, but it was tough.

When people came up to me afterwards & spoke words of encouragement it meant so much. I met other survivors & I may have mentioned this before, but it is as if you have an instant bonding with that person. It's just like a sisterhood. The other survivor who spoke was 29 when she was diagnosed. She told her story of how her husband shaved her head for her & then shaved his own as well. I introduced them to Anthony & we talked about this, so I'm still holding out that Anth will still want to hold that razor & do the honors along with the children.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans8:28

The minimal

I've had a most wonderful week thanks to the good Lord!! The side effects have mainly been fatigue & extreme heartburn. I can handle that any day. I contribute this to the many, many prayers be lifted up for me!! Words cannot express the gratitude I have for so many loving, thoughtful people that are wrapping us in prayers. Without a support system of family & friends, this would be impossible. My stress level is being kept at a minimum because I know everyone is being taken care. My mother is a saint & has been staying with us three days a week. She will hardly allow one towel to be dirty. The children love having her around & for me it is nice having the company when I'm just lying around feeling crappy. AND our bichon Winnie loves mom too..she feeds her table scraps & has gained a few pounds. HA

Remember me this week because I get the triplet of drugs. Hopefully my blood counts will have recovered enough to take it again. Last night as we came home from Franklin after spending the evening with a couple of friends, the dread of Monday starting setting in again. It seems when the weekend gets here, I know it is going to go by super quick then I'm back to "the place" I will call it. Fighting those nasty little cells that decided one day to go haywire. I will sit in the chair with all the other club members while the sweet nurses come around checking on you, offering you food & drink, & watch my poison drip. I'm not mad or upset, this is the only way I can describe what Monday's are becoming for me. Each day the children ask when my hair is going to come out, & sadly this is probably the week. My thick dark hair is getting a bit thinner each day. My hairdresser said the bottom third was being robbed of nutrients, which is why it is drier. It is only hair. That is the least of my worries.

We did manage to get family photos made last Saturday. It was amazing seeing quality photos & realizing how much the children had changed since the last ones I had made. I can't wait to get our family portrait hung & compare again next year at this time when I'm well!

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:10

Whew! Another One Down

My doctor wasn't there today. He is in Italy & Turkey. For once I wished I could be a stowaway...any where but getting freakin chemo. Oh well, with the way time flies now in days, it will be Friday soon, & I hopefully will have my energy back. This weekend was fabulous, and this morning I was the energizer bunny.

The research nurse LeeAnn saw me instead & quickly observed my labs & said I might not get my treatment today. My eyes filled with tears. Here I am ready, psyched to get another one down & low white cell counts already?! My granulocytes were 900, a value of 500 equates going straight to the hospital. My total white cell count was 2500 (5000-10,000 is normal range). After she scanned the clinical trial information for what I must have for day 8 of this 28 day cycle, she said that she thought that I might be able to get a lower dose. She had to check with someone so I waited frantically a few minutes. Entering she said we could proceed. By 11:30, my port was accessed & I was starting to float again. Ativan is a great drug!!

Right before I was finishing up I looked behind me & a sweet patient of mine, that is a fellow survivor, locked eyes on me & gave me a surprised & perplexed look. She had grown quite a bit of hair back, so I kinda took a double take. It is so weird for me sitting by patients I have had over the last 5-6 months. I don't say anything to them. Most were a mess when they came in & since I work nights they probably don't remember me. Wearing scrubs makes a difference too. We got to visit a few minutes which was nice.

I realized something this morning. It was as if God made it crystal clear. We are in control of nothing. We make the choice everyday & set the precedence for our emotions, stress level, etc. I heard on WAY-FM 88.7 that most people have heart attacks on Mondays by 10 a.m. That was what really sparked my thinking of this control thing that especially us moms have. We feel our family has to look a certain way, the house has to be straightened, meals on time, the list goes on & on. But in the great scheme of things, it is so simple. If we are in walk with God everyday & depend solely on him he can be our personal assistant. If we have frequent conversations with him, he will make sure our day goes like HE HAS PLANNED. I didn't mean to get on a soap box my friends, but when you are faced with adversity & trials that you just can't handle, all you have to do is cry out to our Lord & ask him to take it. I have to do it frequently & it gives me such a liberated feeling. We just don't spend enough time on our knees & our eyes on our maker. Psalm 95

Thank you for allowing a Beth Moore moment to creep into this blog. I just love her. Keep me on the prayer chains. I feel your prayers daily.

And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:15-16 NIV

It's That Time Again

As I sit typing, it is a beautiful, perfect fall day. What a day the Lord has made once again for us to enjoy!! I just got home from watching my two darling children hit golf balls. We managed to get to church service late & sneak up in the balcony, come home & change & go enjoy the outdoors for a while. They are hanging out with Anthony at the club, so I can grab a small siesta. If you don't know me that well, I will tell you that I enjoy napping. My husband says I'm part lion. I can sleep just about any time of day. Anyway, as I drove home, I called my dear sister in Georgia, who I woke from a nap...she likes napping too...& I told her the dread of tomorrow was already setting in. I just get one drug tomorrow, taxol, but this is the mean old one with more severe side effects that causes my hair follicles to release from my big ole noggin. I am prepared this week to loose quite a bit more hair. My wig has been ordered & is probably waiting for me in Nashville. My children are already preparing to help do the honors of my new GI Jane style. Anthony has pretty much refused to take part in this family affair. I'm trying to make it fun for the kids, but Anthony finds no humor in it at all. Tears are filling my eyes as I think of "my man". He is stoic for the most part, but the hair thing is difficult for him. It's going to be a constant reminder for him that I'm really sick. Having two baldos in the house...yikes!!!

Please pray that my blood pressure will stay under control. The Avastin is causing my hypertension to become worse. My infusion will take less time tomorrow. Hopefully we can get in & out faster than last week. It was a zoo there last week. I can feel the power of prayers working in my life. Thanks again for all your love & support.

I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done. Psalm 118:17

What a Ride

Bizarre!! That is the only way to sum up how I have been feeling these past few days. The pain has been nothing like I had expected, thank the good Lord. My nerves are on edge more than anything. It's as if I can feel this foreign substance circulating in my body reeking havoc on all the healthy cells. Exactly what it is suppose to do, but its just freaky. I just want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the prayers, cards, comments on my blog, food, etc. God is not leaving my side. I can just feel him coddling me daily. It is an awesome feeling!!!

Please forgive me if I don't answer the phone or take a call. I have been taking my meds like I suppose to & they zap me. I love you all & appreciate everything you are doing for my family & me.

By the way...just to clear the air...I am going to be taking chemo for six months, with scans every two months. Then I will be on maintenance chemo for approximately a year. This is what the plan is for now. The primary origin of the cancer is breast. It has metastasized to my bones, primarily my spine, pelvis, rib cage, & right arm. A few lymph nodes are positive also. No major organs are involved, which is a blessing. This is very rare considering I had stage 0 & double mastectomies back in Sept '03. Evidently some have heard that I only have six months to live. Lord willing, you all will have to put up with me much longer. Ha!

Keep praying & god bless you all!

Whatever you ask for in prayer BELIEVE that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24

Let the Chemo Begin

I arrived at 10 at the oncology office via a gracious friend. With the help of a bunch of loving friends, & having swallowed some of my independence, I'm allowing myself to be taxied to & from chemo appointments. I have always been one to go by myself to the doctor, unless I know I'm going to have some type of sedation.

Today went much better than expected. Although I didn't leave outta there until 4:20. Before I left home, I globbed Emla cream (a numbing cream) on my portacath site. This stuff is the best!! I've got the new purple power port, when is new & improved that can go through scans. My nurse Shelley, was a pro! As she started to flush my port with saline, I had this nasty taste in my mouth, like metallic plastic. Soon a peppermint took care of that little problem. She then hooked me up to premeds which included Decadron (a steroid), benadryl, tagamet, & ativan. Soon I was floating in the clouds. The taxol was next to be administered. This chemo drug made me the most nervous. It is the most likely to cause a reaction. Anthony sat there & watched me while doing his daily Suduko puzzle. It took about 90 mins, then the Gemzar, & lastly the clinical trial drug Avastin. It took another 90 mins. & my blood pressure had to be monitored every 15 minutes.

I'm pooped to say the least. I feel funny too. Getting all three drugs today, they predicted I would be wiped out, with flu-like symptoms. Also there could be quite a bit of bone pain starting tomorrow or Wednesday.

My mother is staying with us the next few days. What a wonderful mother I have. She is already spoiling us with good ole southern cooking. Today she had pinto beans, turnip greens, & cornbread made when I got home. I lit candles as soon as possible..haha!

Thank you all for praying for me today. I wrote three scriptures out & kept them beside me. I know my Lord was with me & made this most dreaded experience, tolerable & uneventful.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self discipline. II Timothy 1:7

Jeremiah 29:11 also hung beside me today. It is in the upper right hand corner of the blog page.

A Few Days in a Nutshell

I have been meaning to write all week, but as soon as I find a few moments, the phone rings, or a child cries out, or I simply get side tracked. No other moms out there do that, do they?! Appointments have filled my week, but the best was Thursday seeing the cardiologist. It is good to know I have a strong heart & it is working like it should. Hooray!! Friday we had a friend coming in from Little Rock that we hadn't seen in a while. A single 40 year old who would be a great catch for someone out there!!! (I'm a matchmaker on the side) A few others came over & ate Giordano's pizza we had Fed-exed from Chicago. Some of the best stuffed pizza you will ever put in your mouth.

Earlier Friday the kiddos & I went to Nashville & visited the Hair Prosthesis Institute. I met one of the nicest & informative ladies there. She made me feel at ease & gave me the details about the hair loss that I'm more than likely going to experience. Abby & Austin played with the wigs while I had my consultation. The special thing about this place is that they deal with "virgin" human hair. Hmmm...yes I know a lot of you are probably shaking your heads. Meaning it hasn't been color treated, permed, or burnt up with a Chi flat iron (my daily hair appliance). She told me there was no need to get my hair cut this coming Friday, which was a relief. Usually thick haired women, such as myself, make it through two treatments before it thins out. So I'm looking at 16-21 days before I go G.I. Jane. I will call her when I'm loosing 7-10 hairs at a time. As a crazy, dear friend put it, "you don't want to get to the point you look like you've got the mange!" We both laughed hysterically with that visual of me coming into play. I hope I do not offend anyone with my humor about hair loss. It is so much easier to laugh instead of crying about it. My hair is the longest it's been in several years, & almost all one length.

The children & I went to the Aquarium restaurant at Opry Mills for lunch. I could have sit there all afternoon watching all the different aquatic life...simply mesmerizing. We then took a trip into the mall & I came across Christmas outfits for the kids. So I'll be a step ahead when it comes picture time. We had some great quality time today. Their little giggles & silliness just made the day. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I feel it is so imperative to let them know what it going on with my health & what the days ahead are going to entail. There are going to be "not so pretty days" I'm sure, but hiding the truth from them just makes them more scared. My children are very intelligent & not much gets past them.

Prior to lunch, we went to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure- Greater Nashville Affiliate in Green Hills. For those of you that don't know, I became involved with them this spring & became their buyer/consultant for items they sell at different functions/fundraisers. I go to Atlanta market (AmericasMart) & buy purses, jewelry, & other neat things. It is a fun gig!! BTW...The Race for the Cure is November 3rd. Festivities start at 6:30 a.m. at Bicentennial Mall. 5K run, 5K walk & 1 mile walk. It makes for great family time. There are many activities for the children. If you are interested you can register online @ www.komen-nashville.org. Please consider taking a Saturday morning out to be part of this worderful foundation. I have met some of the loveliest women & I look forward to being part of this pink sorority for many years to come! Anyway...the new executive director, Cate, at Komen asked me if I would like to go with her & a few other survivors & be honored at the Titans game today (Sunday). We had seats on the sidelines & were on the field during one of the first quarter breaks!! It was a ton of fun. It was great of the NFL to acknowledge breast cancer awareness month.

I am going to the doctor at 10 & will get my first chemo after seeing him. Please remember to lift me up in prayer in the morning. I have no idea how long it will take (at least 3 hours I guessing). I instructed Anth (ha) that he couldn't go back to the office until my port was accessed & the infusion was started. I'm nervous of course, but I know my Lord will be holding one hand while my sweet hubby holds the other.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me Philippians 4:13

Back to Reality

You know when a vacation has come to an end, there is a bit of you that wants to resist. The thoughts of going back to the daily bump & grind, always make me a little sad. This trip was truly one that I can say I did not want to come back home. I knew I had a dr's appointment waiting on me at 8:15 Monday morning. We got back at 9:30 Sunday night. On the ten hour trip back, driving through the beautiful mountains & looking up into the gorgeous blue, almost cloudless sky, I realized how much I have suppressed the thoughts of today's visit. I knew it would be the day to finalize the treatment schedule & find out the last test result.

We have been waiting on this FISH test to see if hormone therapy, Herceptin, would be a treatment option for the HER2neu gene. As soon as Dr. Mainwaring walked in & shook our hands & exchanged pleasantries, he told us this test was negative... meaning that the cancer is not being fed by hormones. Good & bad. The good being that this usually means the cancer is less aggressive. Thank the Lord!! Bad is one less treatment option. He gave me the names of the drugs we will be using, three total. One is experimental. I agreed to be part of a clinical trial, and this drug is supposedly doing great things. Along with the drug names were the side effects. These are not pretty!

This week I have to have a battery of tests run AGAIN. Tuesday--PET scan, Wednesday--Bone scan, EKG, Echocardiogram, Thursday--Cardiologist (required before chemo starts). Chemo starts next Monday after I see the oncologist. It will probably last at least 3 hours. It has to be infused slower the first time to monitor for reactions. I will have another PET scan in 2 months to see if I'm responding.

Please pray for my family foremost. I can only think of them. Abby is worried about me loosing my hair. Being 10, she gets easily embarrassed. Austin just doesn't understand. Anthony is quiet & I can tell by the look on his face, that he is horrified.
I know this isn't going to be easy, but I have to look at it as God's plan. I cannot question that plan, but I have to accept it & trust him. I know he will take care of us!

But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord... Jeremiah 30:17

To the Beach

I was to have an appointment with my oncologist this morning (Wed.), but they called late yesterday afternoon & cancelled. There is still one test that he is waiting on from the biopsy. Apparently it was left off. No one was too happy about this. I have to remember that it is being delayed for a reason. Everything is in HIS time, not ours. I do have some good news. I haven't had any pain meds since last Friday night. Thank you all for the prayers for my comfort & healing!! My energy levels have increased as well.

We are leaving for S.C. this afternoon to go to the beach. Our kids started fall break this week. Pray that we have a safe & relaxing trip. It is truly needed by all. On Monday morning we have the rescheduled appointment. Hopefully we will be receiving the news as to what type of chemo for sure & when we will start. I have to get a cardiac work-up on Thurs of next week. The chemo he is looking at for me requires this.

God is so good! My dear sister, Marzetta, sent me a card & it had a beautiful scripture that I have to share. He is all we need.

Pray about everything; tell God your needs...If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6, 7 TLB

A little R & R

It has been a wonderful, beautiful, peaceful day. Anthony was on the golf course. The kids are in Manchester, after having been to the county fair on Friday night with my brother & sister-in-law. I would have love to have gone. It has been a while since I've had a good 4-H funnel cake.

I have had a great day of resting, mostly napping. We watched some college football & listened to the Vols on the radio. We then ventured out & had a nice dinner with two other couples at Marina's, & topped it off with a trip to Walmart. WooHoo!! It is now after midnight on Sunday as I write this entry. I went all day without a single pain med!! That is nothing but God working & taking care of me. Keep praying for healing.

Hebrews 11:18 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

The antipated news

It seemed as if Friday, our appointment day would never arrive. Anthony was not able to go to my 8am appt due to surgeries he had scheduled, so my sister drove up from Cartersville, GA to be with me. She got to the house close to midnight Thursday. She has gone through the cancer, chemo & has been a source of comfort/cheerleader for me. For those of you that don't know... her second time around with breast cancer & my first round, we were going through it the same time. Diagnosed three days apart.

The doctor came in & without any stammer told us that the primary source is breast again. He said it is rare to have DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ), this is what I had first, & for it to reoccur this invasive. For the love of Pete, I had a double mastectomy & my surgeon told me four years ago that he only left 5% breast tissue. How could it be coming from here? We are still waiting on one test from St. Thomas on the specimen from 2003. It will determine what treatment we do first. If it is positive we will start with hormone therapy (Herceptin). There is a trio that he mentioned also. It would take five hours to infuse each treatment. He proceeded to tell me that there are two clinical trials that I might be eligible to participate. One for the breast cancer the other for the bone cancer. The only drawback is that I can only be in one. So I told him I wanted to be in the one that benefited me the most, of course. He has concerns about my left kidney & its decrease in function since my January surgery to fix my ureter that from time to time kinked off. This is called a UPJ obstruction & usually happens in childhood. It decided to wait a few years with me. So please pray that the rest of my body cooperates with treatment.

I have my next oncology appointment on Wednesday @ 8a., then we are leaving, God willing, on Wednesday afternoon for S.C. We are planning on traveling halfway for sanity's sake. Thank goodness for the DVD player in the Tahoe. We will return Sunday night. Please remember us as we travel.

After leaving the doctor, we raced home because some friends were coming over to bless our house. They had been there since a little after eight. They went room to room to pray for whatever came to their hearts. When my sister & I got there, Jeanine & Kristy were in Abby's room, sitting on her unmade bed. We all sat on the bed & talked, laughed, & cried. It was like a big girl slumber party. I just cannot imagine what it would be like not having friends/family to help you through times like this. I'm so blessed to have some remarkable people in my life. Those I can pick up the phone & vent to without being judged. Those that I can go a week or a couple months without seeing or talking to on the phone, but when you do, you pick up right where you left off.

I will end on this note. On Friday, I met a very remarkable elderly woman. She had this aura that surrounded her, a godly one. When she spoke, you just were drawn into her every word. She looked into my eyes as if she saw right through me. She made me realize that all I need is my Lord. We can be healed if we believe, have faith, stay in the Word, & do as he commands. We must remain positive in our thoughts & words, & rebuke the enemy.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your encouraging comments, cards, & phone calls.

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

An eventful day

Lately I wake up in the mornings & instantly feel what area is going to be "the hurt" for the day. This morning was different. You know the lump you feel in your throat when you have just received bad news or are extremely nervous? I felt a small one of those. I made lunches & saw Anth & the kids off to school as usual. I piddled around doing a few mom jobs, because all in all it seemed as if it was going to be a less painful day. By 11:00 I was worried. I called TN Oncology & spoke to a nurse. I told her I had a new port, & the spot at the bottom of my throat, where your collar bone meets in the middle, felt as if someone was choking me. Anth was finished seeing patients earlier than usual, so he came home & took me back to the clinic. We saw Dr. Deborah Williams, who immediately got a chest x-ray. No sign of pneumonia, or anything. We then went by Dr. Jimmy Carter's office. He was in a meeting & Anth eased into the conference room & asked him what we needed to do next. He said to get to the ER immediately to rule out a P.E. This had already raced through my mind. Got to the ER & as soon as they put the pulse oximetry on my finger & it showed 99% I knew is wasn't a pulmonary embolus (blood clot in the lung).

For the next five hours I rested, if you can call it that, had a CT of my head & chest, IV fluids, pain meds, & last but not least, a GI cocktail. This isn't nearly as good as a margarita. This relieved some of the fullness in my throat. It was a relief having Dexter Woods as my doctor for the day. His daughter Rachel & my Abby have been best friends since first grade. By 5:30 my friend Mel, (Dexter's wife) busted me out of that joint. I had sent Anthony back to the office around 2, because he had patients & there was no need for him to sit & look at me. For those of you that know him, you know how he just talks your ears off. HA! I love you Anth!

Continue to pray for God's healing. I put my faith daily in his hands. I cannot handle this burden alone. It is his now.
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.

In Him,
a

Friday is the big day

As I sat eating lunch with my husband on Tuesday afternoon, I received a phone call from TN Oncology to postpone our appointment until Friday @ 8, because the pathology reports aren't all back. How frustrating not knowing what area has started these crazy cancer cells to go haywire. Oh well, I had rather them be careful & run every test possible & get the right treatment from the get go than to waste more time with something that isn't going to do a thing. On a lighter note, when Anthony & I were at the eye doctor on Tuesday in Knoxville, I received some great news. I proceeded to tell Dr. Smith that I really could use some good news this week & he said well I can give you perfect news. My eyes are still 20/15 after having Lasik 5 years ago. WooHoo!! Just call me eagle eyes..HAHA.

I've had a rough few days. The pain continues to hopscotch around my body. Its as if I can feel this stuff spreading. A new pain everyday just scares me. My biopsy & port-a-cath op sites are just about healed in a weeks time. Pain meds are becoming a regular part of my day.

I just want to take this moment to thank all my friends who care so much for me. You know who you are. Whether you call, bring food, or just are here for me! I love you guys & I thank God for you.

Please continue to pray for God's healing. Our Jehovah Raffa, God the healer, does it everyday. Proverbs 18:10 The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous ones run to it and are safe.