A Call for Prayers

It seems that everytime I start another cycle, (a month of 2 chemo treatments & bone builder), that the nerves kick in. I had to see the doctor yesterday & I always get this way. Don't get me wrong, I love my doctor, what a sweetie! It is just I always have several questions & those "what ifs" try to creep in as well. This is the last cycle of the clinical trial, & depending on what the scan shows when I see him again on March 24th, we will decide what is next. If all is well, as in being stabilized, more than likely I will be going on oral chemo. One of the drugs he mentioned though will cause my hair to fall out again & the other would make me super sensitive to the sun & I'm not vain about it, but not too happy either. This would be the maintenance plan. If things aren't where we all feel comfortable, there is a possibility that I will drop down to once a month taking this wonderful drug called Avastin, that I currently take. It would require me to go in once a month for infusion. So, needless to say I covet your prayers at this time for God to lead us to make the right decision. My children & husband are the ones I worry about the most & I want to make the right decision for our family.

Please also remember my husband. We are leaving tonight for Atlanta for another enhancement for his eyes. He had Lasik 10 years ago & had excellent results. The enhancement procedure is a bit harder than the initial surgery. He has epithelial (skin) cells growing under the "flaps" in which they peel back to laser the eyes. They clean the flaps before laying them back down at the end of surgery, but unfortunately his have excessive growth of these cells. This complication doesn't happen often. Follow-up is the next day & we have to be back by 11 On Thursday so he can see patients in Murfreesboro. Pray that all will go well & that I will have the strength to drive us around there & back.

Thank you Jesus for allowing me to climb into Your arms like the child I am to You. I can let go and let you hold me through this ride down a path that is unknown. Help me to trust You so completely that I don't even know the rocky places are hard. You know all and care for me perfectly. Continue to direct my footsteps according to Your will and Your promises.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1

UGHHH...Insomnia

I had my treatment yesterday. It was the fastest I've ever gotten in & out. Needless to say, I came home & crashed from the drugs that tend to make me woosy, & now I sit at the computer at 3:30 in the morning typing away. I have those nasty steriods to blame. Even meds for sleep aren't helping me tonight.

My wbc count was the best it has been in a long time. I was ready to go dance when I saw what it was. WBCs were in the 5000's & the grans (immature wbc) were 3200!!! My grans have been down as low as 600. Simply amazing & from God. Thank you for remembering me in your prayers this week. Having had a week off from treatment last week, my body has had a chance to bounce back. My mom came up & took care of the kids today, since they had a half day at school. She is the best mother anyone could have. She drops what she is doing whenever I need her. I thank God for her everyday.

There were two ladies getting infused at the same time as me. The one to my left was getting her first treatment. I could tell she was anxious & was in for a long day. Her granddaughter kept her company. I tried to talk to them, but I remembered back five months ago. No amount of reassurance could keep my nerves from taking over. Being a nurse didn't help either. The only way I made it through my first day of chemo was sitting there with my bible in my lap reading scripture until I got so sleepy from the meds. The other lady sat down diagonally from me, & it was very evident how much pain she was experiencing. The poor soul had this grimace & look of worry the entire time. I just sat there & prayed for these two for God to give them strength, comfort, & courage. It brings tears to my eyes just knowing the fear they were experiencing. I've gotten use to the pokes & prods, but the only thing I'm still not sure of is how I will respond each week from the chemo. How much pain, fatigue, mood swings... The kids still can't grasp why mommy is such a "meanie" so much of the time. I pray for patience often. Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. This hangs over a doorway that we go in & out of most often. It keeps me going knowing that He is all we need in this life and He is there anytime we call out. He wants us to depend on Him for everything!

Great Results Again

I know I haven't written in some time. There is good news to share from the scans. The bone scan showed much improvement in the bone lesions. The doctor said the bone pain I've been experiencing was due to my bones healing. The CT scan showed that the cancer was stabilized, with no new areas. I have been feeling bad, but started feeling better last week since it was my off week. The last thing I wanted to do was to sit in front of the computer & write about it. As soon as I got everyone out the door, back to bed I would go. My lack of energy was unlike anything I've had. A good book didn't even appease me. This weekend though I became the energizer bunny & purged junk from Abby's room & Anthony & I cleaned the garage out. Sounds like fun, right?! It is a liberating feeling.

Please remember me in your prayers this week. Specifically pray for strength & for everyone to stay well. With this new strand of flu going around, it makes me not want to get out too much. I had the nicest conversation with a lady from school. Her daughter & Austin were in the same class last year. She is a cancer survivor twice from leukemia, which hit her at age 12, then again before going off to college at 18. What an inspiration she was for me!! God has put so many wonderful people in my life to keep my spirits up, as well as be my prayer warriors. You all know who you are & I love you & thank you for helping me & my family through this.

There are two scriptures that really got my attention this week: The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10
It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. Psalm 18:32 As I go through this process, I know He is going to get me to where I need to be. All things come through His hands. He allows things in my life for a greater purpose than I often understand.