Whew! It has been a very long day. First of all, before I left for treatment this morning, we got hit with a big heating/cooling bill for our upstairs unit. This weekend our neighbor came over & showed us that ice was built up around the bottom. Great!! So now we know why there had been some different noise to it. I just figured it was in overload with all the cold weather, because @ the fall tune-up, everything had checked out okay. Getting down to more important business...I got my scan results back & we are very happy. My bone scan showed a significant improvement, with no new lesions. He said the bone pain I had been having was probably due to them healing. The CT scan showed that most of the lymph nodes had stabilized in size, with one or two maybe a mm bigger. The doctor was not concerned, & considered this a good report. I had asked for them to include my head in the CT scan this go around. He asked me why I had wanted this done. I gave him my reasons & he felt it was justified. It was just one of those gut feelings for me. Any how, it came back & the radiologist suggested a MRI to further exam a place in the anterior left temporal region. He wanted to get it "stat" then take the chemo treatment. So I found myself again at the hospital waiting for another test. I'm getting to know the staff in those areas by name. After I went back to the oncology office & waited a little longer, trying to read to take my mind off things, my sweet little research nurse called me back, handed me a copy of the report & said there was nothing to worry about. Went back to the waiting area, because there was "no room in the inn", haha, meaning no chairs available in the chemo (infusion) area. Let's put it this way...I didn't get home until 5pm. My appointment was at 10am. I came home & crashed. Thank God for my sweet mom coming up to take care of my kiddos. I love you mom!
I just want to thank the most important one in all of these great results & that is Christ our Lord. Without him, I am nothing. My devotion that I hadn't picked up in the past few days, was perfect this morning. It was "No Fear of Bad News". How appropriate for me today. The one scripture that I wrote down was from 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. I love this!! These days anxiety tries to take hold. Pain, fatigue, the general blahs, & the feelings of not being a good mom & wife, because I can't always give them my all. He will take all these burdens on HIMSELF, as he did our sin. WOW, that is so cool to have someone take it all away if we just ask. That's all...we just have to ask.
Thank you all for your prayers & hugs, calls, food, & support. It means so much to me & my family. Please continue to pray for complete healing.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Scan Time Again
Last week, to put it bluntly, was probably the worst since I was diagnosed. For one, I believe that my hormones are officially out of whack. They told me that this is possible, due to the chemo. Basically all I felt like doing was laying around & sleeping. Guess the weather hasn't helped much either. By the weekend, I really felt horrible & knew that my blood counts were down. So Monday when I went in for my bone strengthener (Zometa) & bloodwork I found I was severely neutropenic again. Almost as low as it has been. No Neupogen, but the warning from the nurse to stay away from crowds & liberal handwashing. Yes...I know this by now! So this is the end of my fourth cycle. It is scan week. I get a bone scan on Thursday & CT on Friday.
Please, please remember me in your prayers. I've had more pain in the last week than I've had in a while. My right arm just aches to the point of tears. Sometimes I feel as if God has forgotten about me. Hey! I'm hurting down here in more ways than one. I hate having those dark moments, but unfortunately they tend to creep in when you try to be everything to everyone, but just aren't physically strong enough to be "it all." I went to my womens' bible study this morning & realized how thankful I need to be to wake up each day & to just love my beautiful family. God doesn't expect the "perfect, polished look" each day. He just wants my heart & for me to talk & walk with him daily. Asking him for guidance, strength, courage, & most of all patience is so simple, yet some days we make it so difficult. Getting wrapped up in all the petty, little stuff can take the enjoyment out of life & that is one thing I want to savor.
Please, please remember me in your prayers. I've had more pain in the last week than I've had in a while. My right arm just aches to the point of tears. Sometimes I feel as if God has forgotten about me. Hey! I'm hurting down here in more ways than one. I hate having those dark moments, but unfortunately they tend to creep in when you try to be everything to everyone, but just aren't physically strong enough to be "it all." I went to my womens' bible study this morning & realized how thankful I need to be to wake up each day & to just love my beautiful family. God doesn't expect the "perfect, polished look" each day. He just wants my heart & for me to talk & walk with him daily. Asking him for guidance, strength, courage, & most of all patience is so simple, yet some days we make it so difficult. Getting wrapped up in all the petty, little stuff can take the enjoyment out of life & that is one thing I want to savor.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Dread
I sit here a couple hours away from getting another treatment. Like the title says...dread. I got a little spoiled not having to go "to the chair" & be hooked up last week. My poor family catches the brunt of it on Sunday night & Monday morning. I'm not a pleasant person to be around. Momma bear comes out!! How I pray for patience & understanding at times like this. I have found much more fun things to do, like housework, instead of getting my butt in gear & getting ready. Please whisper a prayer for me this morning. My appointment is at 11:15. I haven't felt this way for some time, but last week was just about as normal as I have felt in a long time. My energy level was incredible with only one day of laying around.
As I'm typing, I am looking at something my sweet sister gave me that says "God is watching over You, I know because I asked Him to." He shall give His angels charge over you...Psalm 91:11
I hope you all reading this have a wonderful day & a beautiful week. My hope is to see some snow later on this week!!
As I'm typing, I am looking at something my sweet sister gave me that says "God is watching over You, I know because I asked Him to." He shall give His angels charge over you...Psalm 91:11
I hope you all reading this have a wonderful day & a beautiful week. My hope is to see some snow later on this week!!
Monday, January 7, 2008
Just a Note
**I wrote this last Sunday night & forgot to edit & publish it.
I hope everyone reading this had wonderful holidays. God has been so good to our family. I am so blessed to have all the support from family, friends, school families, & medical community. As I write this, I am reminiscening about what the past few months have brought to my family. I know there is still worry, & uncertainty, not just with me, but my dad too. The next scans takes place around the 28th of Jan. We are just trying to get through each day & act as if there isn't any cancer. My last two visits to the doctor have shown my lab work to be better since the taxol is gone. I am bouncing back after each treatment, with just having a couple days of feeling run down. I rest when I hurt or feel crappy & go again. My two children are my inspiration to press on. My Lord will not allow my attitude to falter. He has made me the strong woman I feel I am, which I am so grateful. I just keep believing that this is all happening for a reason that only HE knows why, & to not question HIM, even though the child in me wants to.
I am preparing for the Relay for Life kickoff tomorrow night. I am one of three honorary chairs for this event May 2. If you are able to participate or get a team together for this worthy cause, please consider doing so. Cancer has touched everyone in some way. Let's do our part to help with research & to help those who cannot afford treatment. How wonderful it would be someday for cancer to be a thing of the past & a vaccine away.
I hope everyone reading this had wonderful holidays. God has been so good to our family. I am so blessed to have all the support from family, friends, school families, & medical community. As I write this, I am reminiscening about what the past few months have brought to my family. I know there is still worry, & uncertainty, not just with me, but my dad too. The next scans takes place around the 28th of Jan. We are just trying to get through each day & act as if there isn't any cancer. My last two visits to the doctor have shown my lab work to be better since the taxol is gone. I am bouncing back after each treatment, with just having a couple days of feeling run down. I rest when I hurt or feel crappy & go again. My two children are my inspiration to press on. My Lord will not allow my attitude to falter. He has made me the strong woman I feel I am, which I am so grateful. I just keep believing that this is all happening for a reason that only HE knows why, & to not question HIM, even though the child in me wants to.
I am preparing for the Relay for Life kickoff tomorrow night. I am one of three honorary chairs for this event May 2. If you are able to participate or get a team together for this worthy cause, please consider doing so. Cancer has touched everyone in some way. Let's do our part to help with research & to help those who cannot afford treatment. How wonderful it would be someday for cancer to be a thing of the past & a vaccine away.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Holiday Blessings
Wow! So much has happened since my last entry that I don't know if I can remember everything. I just know that it has been a wonderful break for our family. I enjoyed sleeping in with the kids, making a gingerbread house, getting out with them, finishing up shopping, & taking in all the beauty that the season holds. I was so thankful to feel like traveling. It was so good to see our families & to eat delicious food. I can tell a difference since the doctor decided to discontinue the taxol. Other than getting run down easy, & the occasional GI problems, I feel good. I've got chemo brain pretty bad as well, so please forgive my forgetfulness.
We did have to leave Anthony's family suddenly on Sunday night before Christmas. My mother called to let me know my father, who has Alzheimers, was having problems breathing & that the charge nurse on duty thought he needed to be taken to the hospital. For those of you that don't know, he has been suffering for the last two years in the last stages of this ugly disease. It appears that his swallowing reflex is now being affected. When we arrived at the nursing home I figured it was going to be one of two things, either aspiration pneumonia or congestive heart failure. A chest x-ray was ordered for the next morning, & after assessing him, I was sure it was pneumonia. This is very common in these patients at this stage. They had put an IV in & were starting him on an IV antibiotic. He looked awful & had quit eating & drinking making him very dehydrated. I can usually get some kind of reaction from him, but this night was different. I knew if he didn't respond to the antibiotic, that there wouldn't be much of a chance for him pulling through. After leaving him that night, part of me was nervous about leaving for Chicago the day after Christmas. Having worked at the VA though, I have seen many cases like him that would come out of it once the meds got going in his system. It can sometimes turn into a repetitive cycle. I pray every night that God will have mercy on his frail little body. As of today he is still holding his own & has begun eating & drinking a bit more. There will not be a feeding tube placed per his wishes. The IV is suppose to be taken out on Monday (7th). Lab work was drawn, but I haven't gotten the results yet.
Please remember my mother, Jeanette, in your prayers. She is having a hard time accepting that Dad may not pull through. They have been life partners for 53 years. I can't imagine what she is feeling, even though he really hasn't been "with us" the past four years. Holidays are the hardest times for all of us when we gather at their home in Manchester. God blessed me with such a wonderful father. He was such a hard worker & gave so much of himself. He was a carpenter & built our house I grew up in. He was a meticulous carpenter until the Alzheimers began to take over. The smallest & simplest of tasks became so difficult for him. One of the last couple of jobs he did for me was some crown molding in our previous house. He & I did it together & I recall the frustration of trying to get the corners matched up. It was then the reality of it all hit me that my children wouldn't get to enjoy having their "Pa" around for many years. Being the baby in the family, I got to do more than the others with Daddy. I recall the numerous softball games that he would race home from work to get to the ballfield. I can still hear him call "go Arthanise, run, run!!" He & I would throw the ball before games. He was the one that got "let go & taught me to ride my bike. And the best thing ever was the day he brought me home a go-cart. His boss sold it to him for $100. I rode it almost everyday. My dear childhood friend John & I just about rode the tires off that thing. After I mastered that, he & I would go out on the country roads on Sunday afternoons & he taught me how to drive. We would come home & he would brag to my mom that I didn't "bobble not one time". The little things like this make me so grateful to have grown up the way I did. Everything was so simple. My parents are wonderful people & I want to thank them for doing such a wonderful job teaching me how life is suppose to be lived. Do the best you can with what you have, be thankful to God, stay in church, work hard, & always treat everybody the same. I love you Mom & Dad!!!
We did have to leave Anthony's family suddenly on Sunday night before Christmas. My mother called to let me know my father, who has Alzheimers, was having problems breathing & that the charge nurse on duty thought he needed to be taken to the hospital. For those of you that don't know, he has been suffering for the last two years in the last stages of this ugly disease. It appears that his swallowing reflex is now being affected. When we arrived at the nursing home I figured it was going to be one of two things, either aspiration pneumonia or congestive heart failure. A chest x-ray was ordered for the next morning, & after assessing him, I was sure it was pneumonia. This is very common in these patients at this stage. They had put an IV in & were starting him on an IV antibiotic. He looked awful & had quit eating & drinking making him very dehydrated. I can usually get some kind of reaction from him, but this night was different. I knew if he didn't respond to the antibiotic, that there wouldn't be much of a chance for him pulling through. After leaving him that night, part of me was nervous about leaving for Chicago the day after Christmas. Having worked at the VA though, I have seen many cases like him that would come out of it once the meds got going in his system. It can sometimes turn into a repetitive cycle. I pray every night that God will have mercy on his frail little body. As of today he is still holding his own & has begun eating & drinking a bit more. There will not be a feeding tube placed per his wishes. The IV is suppose to be taken out on Monday (7th). Lab work was drawn, but I haven't gotten the results yet.
Please remember my mother, Jeanette, in your prayers. She is having a hard time accepting that Dad may not pull through. They have been life partners for 53 years. I can't imagine what she is feeling, even though he really hasn't been "with us" the past four years. Holidays are the hardest times for all of us when we gather at their home in Manchester. God blessed me with such a wonderful father. He was such a hard worker & gave so much of himself. He was a carpenter & built our house I grew up in. He was a meticulous carpenter until the Alzheimers began to take over. The smallest & simplest of tasks became so difficult for him. One of the last couple of jobs he did for me was some crown molding in our previous house. He & I did it together & I recall the frustration of trying to get the corners matched up. It was then the reality of it all hit me that my children wouldn't get to enjoy having their "Pa" around for many years. Being the baby in the family, I got to do more than the others with Daddy. I recall the numerous softball games that he would race home from work to get to the ballfield. I can still hear him call "go Arthanise, run, run!!" He & I would throw the ball before games. He was the one that got "let go & taught me to ride my bike. And the best thing ever was the day he brought me home a go-cart. His boss sold it to him for $100. I rode it almost everyday. My dear childhood friend John & I just about rode the tires off that thing. After I mastered that, he & I would go out on the country roads on Sunday afternoons & he taught me how to drive. We would come home & he would brag to my mom that I didn't "bobble not one time". The little things like this make me so grateful to have grown up the way I did. Everything was so simple. My parents are wonderful people & I want to thank them for doing such a wonderful job teaching me how life is suppose to be lived. Do the best you can with what you have, be thankful to God, stay in church, work hard, & always treat everybody the same. I love you Mom & Dad!!!
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