Answered Prayers & Wonderful Friends

As of today, it has been four days since I had any type of pain med. This is huge! I have all you prayer warriors out there to thank for continuing to lift me up daily to our Lord. I also got some great news yesterday from the insurance company. They called to let me know that there was a miscommunication and that Avastin would be covered as a stand alone drug. Meaning that the Taxotere that I took last week did not have to be given along with the Avastin for them to pay. WOOHOO!!!! So I suffered last week in vain. The poor insurance lady had to listen to me sob because I was so happy to know I didn't have to take that stuff again & I could keep my hair at least for a while longer. I seriously thought I was dying last Wednesday. God is so good!! He is answering so many prayers! Anthony & I leave for Sloan Kettering in NYC on Monday afternoon. My appointment is 8:30 & 9:00am Tuesday & we are coming back Tuesday night. Thank goodness we voted last week. My mom is coming to stay with the kids & Winnie. Again, I thank you all who read this & remember us in prayer. It means so much being covered in love, encouragement, & prayers. Also thank you to all my friends who help us out by bringing meals, transport our children here & there, run errands, take me to chemo & pick me up, & are just there for us. I can never repay or write enough thank you notes (I'm so far behind), for all you have done. I said in my last blog how last week I would had soon forget, but I must apologize for chemo brain having kicked in again. A small group of women made Tuesday of last week an unforgettable day for me. They had a surprise belated birthday party for me. We had a delicious lunch & endless conversation until it was time to pick up children. Melanie, Jeanine, Amy, Lisa, Amy, Connie...I love you all!!

Last Week's Chemo From You Know Where

OH MY GOSH!!! WARNING!!! You will have to forgive my graphic nature of description & the long blog. If there ever was a week I could wipe out of my life it had to be last week. Monday, I went to the doctor feeling bad to begin with, having a fever come back over the weekend, & Mondays I just generally hate now. The optimistic, cheerful person I have always been, for the most part, never thought I could hate a certain day of the week. But let me tell you, I am very capable of it now. After getting in "the chair" for treatment, the nurse asks me how I am & I mumble & tell her I've had fever, to which Dana has to relay back to the dr. She comes back & says he wants to see me in room 1. Ok...I'm sitting there & he slides in the usual Kramer sort of way & proceeds to tell me that my insurance doesn't want to pay for my Avastin alone. THEY want me to have a taxane added to it. They want to now dictate my treatment regimen! These are nasty class of drugs let me tell you. The first one I was on was Taxol, when I first started treatment last year. It not only caused my hair to fall out, but landed me in the ER three times with extreme arrhythmias, to the degree I thought I was having heart attacks. Dr. Mainwaring continued to say that he was thinking Taxotere at the lowest dose he could give me, which I was thinking I don't want any. I immediately shot back & told him that I have an appointment in NYC at Sloan Kettering on election day & I don't want to jeopardize not getting to see them. He understood, went ahead & wrote the order & had to leave because he was presenting at "tumor board", which I won't go into. I called Sloan & they told me it would be ok to proceed. There was no way to hold back the tears! By that time, Anth had walked in & I relayed all of what had taken place. He was not happy to say the least. I went back to the chair & had a seat & Kathy came & talked with me & I signed all the new papers allowing me to get another poison. The only thing going through my mind was Abby will be devastated! I just got my hair grown out almost to my shoulders & in another couple months it will be gone again. @#$%!! Started out with the good ole steroids. Nothing like a moon faced, humped neck, mean mommy!! These make me feel like my head can turn around! I'd give "The Exorcist" a run for the money. For the next two & a half hours I sat & sat, tried to read, cried a little, ate animal crackers, & finally put my game face back on. Mom & the kids would soon be picking me up after school. After getting home, I fell asleep quick because I knew the steroids where going to keep me up that night. I slept until 7pm. Tuesday, I got up & made breakfast & got everyone out the door & got a few things done because I knew it would probably all kick in tomorrow. Made it through the day and a sweet friend left us dinner. Wednesday, woke up hurting. Got up & kissed the kids goodbye. Laid back down. Had an appointment at 11, went to it, came back & the pain just wouldn't let up. Rotated pain meds, like the nurse in me would do. Called Anth at the office, but no answer that afternoon. Texted my girlfriends to lift me up in prayer. I was upstairs in the bonus room because it was cooler, a fever had returned to reach 102. My good friends Melanie & Jeanine got the kids situated for me & Jeanine came & held my hand & read scripture to me. She got a hold of Anthony & he got home. I forgot (chemo brain strikes again) that it was Wed, (a half day) for him which puts him on the golf course. He called the dr. & it happened to be a friend of his on call & he had me double up on my pain meds, which put me in a nice state of lala. The words sometimes just won't come to me. Needless to say, after going in & out until 11:30 pm, I finally was able to sleep through the night. Anthony got the kids off, made their lunches & all, & still made it on time. Thursday & Friday were just a blur from all the meds on Wed. If you called or saw me either of those two days, please just disregard the way I looked or came across, because I was not fully awake.

My Plan On Election Day

I got a bit behind in my blogging, so let's see if I can remember what all has taken place. After talking with my internal med doc & a new friend who has the same thing as me, I decided to try Memorial Sloan-Kettering in NYC. The nurse at MMC made the phone call & sent up the needed records. On Tuesday, the nurse called me back to let me know that they would be calling to schedule. She said the next appt could be 6-8 weeks. I thought at least they will see me. On Thursday after playing phone tag with Lisa the scheduler at MSK, we finally got to talk. She asked if we could come up Halloween. After a pause, I told her no. There was no way I could not be with the kids to go trick or treating. Lisa said she would call me back when she got another date. On Friday I saw Dr. Mainwaring. I found out the results of my MUGA scan in which he revealed my heart was better than his. WooHoo!! This is a man that swims everyday, looks like a toothpick & probably has the metabolism of a small child. These scan results are a blessing considering one of the chemo drugs he is putting me on. We went over the new regimen & after discussing the side effects of the Xeloda & the Doxil I quickly proclaimed how scared I was & he agreed that he was as well. Without much hesitation, I asked if we could start out one at a time. He had no problem with it. I start the Xeloda tomorrow morning. It is an oral medication. On the 17th of Nov., I start the Doxil. The main reason being, it will cause me to loose my hair again. Just when I get it grown out & looking normal. He said it would take a couple months, so I might still have some for Christmas. Needless to say, I went out of the office upset & thinking that Abby would be devastated. That morning my devotion was about being anxious & to rely on HIM. I knew that I had to remain calm & let HIM take care of things. I got myself back together & called Anthony. He was out of town & was expecting the call. He & I talked about the side effects, but he went on to say that MSK may have other options. No more than I got off the phone with him, MSK was calling. Lisa on the end addressed me & I immediately said "I hope you have good news for me because I need some." She then asked if Nov 4th would be alright. Quickly I said yes! I couldn't believe she got another appt so soon after the other. I told her I had chemo on the Monday prior. She then asked what I would be taking. I told her the above drugs plus Avastin & Arimidex & dates to start & she said all are ok except for the Doxil. Our dear Lord works in mysterious ways. He gave me the words to ask to delay the start of Doxil from tomorrow until the 17th. How cool is that?!! I've got several things to get together to send/take to the date. Please pray that chemo goes ok & that this new drug has minimal side efffects. I've got to book a flight & hotel so I'm going to be busy. Guess I should go vote early.

An Awaited Call

I so want to write about good news, but unfortunately cannot. The call came from MD Anderson not too long ago. I was so excited to hear that person on the other end. He didn't sound very old, probably early 20's. He asked me a few questions, & then the two questions that determined my fate. " What reason do you want to come to MD Anderson? " Here I'm thinking...dude I've got cancer & want to go to one of the best centers in the country & I need a second opinion!! Kindly I said the latter, but what kind of question is that? Then he proceeded to tell me that due to their patient volume that they wouldn't see me JUST to give me a second opinion. Well, that pretty much shot me down. I then said I wanted to see what treatment options there were for what I have. He then asked "what treatment are you currently on?" I went on to tell him that I just went off the clinical trial last week, so I'm currently on blah, blah, blah. He then said that since I started a new treatment that I would have to finish this up & see how it has worked. My heart sank. I pleaded with him..."I just started it last Friday, I will stop taking it if it meant being able to schedule an appointment with them." To no avail did any type of convincing work, so I thought I'll just ask to speak to someone else. After a short wait, a nurse was on the line. Again, I told her what drugs I was on & she said the same as that "young thang"! I was in tears & could barely finish the conversation. Oh! And to top it off she kept calling me Ms. Singer. I was so annoyed I finally said in a not so kind tone. MY NAME IS NOT MS. SINGER! She is my primary care doctor. My name is... She said "just a minute", & I could tell she was trying to verify to whom she was suppose to be talking. She then said "do you want me to call your doctor & explain this." Of course I agreed. So we are going to look into other places now. Pray that I can stay positive about finding other possibilities. The last day & a half I have felt horrible. Pray I can feel better for the weekend.

A Change of Routine

It was very strange visit today at the oncologist. There was no blood drawn for the first time since I set foot in the place, I didn't talk with my sweet research nurses, I didn't get any pre-meds prior to my chemo, & the chemo infusion only took 30 minutes. I'm not complaining either!! I will miss the nurses I have gotten close to over the past year. LeAnn & Shelley are angels, as well as great nurses. My primary care dr's office called & got some insurance info, so hopefully I will find out soon when my appointment at MD Anderson will be. I have had quite a bit of pain today. Enough to have to take pain meds on schedule. The pain has crept down into my lower left leg. This is something new. The prayers to relieve my pain this past week have been heard & answered by my sweet Lord, so please continue. So many of you have asked what you can do & this is what I need. Pray for a miracle of healing. That no more bone lesions will appear in anymore areas. Pray for daily strength to do the "mommy jobs" that I enjoy. My children are that beacon of light in my life & they keep me going more than anything. I find myself loving on them constantly. They are such good children, I must brag a moment, & the most wonderful thing about them is knowing they are children of the LORD! We surprised my mother yesterday at church. My sister was in for Race for the Cure so she went to Sunday school & church with her. The children & I walked in the same time they were going to the sanctuary & mom was elated to see us. They had the Lord's Supper & this was Austin's first time to partake since becoming a Christian. It was hard to hold back the tears watching both of my children. It is such a comfort knowing that both know & love the Lord.

Our New Plan of Attack

I am officially not on the clinical trial. We have to refocus the attention to the bone mets. The dr. wants me to continue on Avastin, which is one of the drugs that was part of the trial & has been recently approved for metastatic breast cancer. He has added Xeloda, Doxil, & Arimidex. Before I start Doxil (which is by IV), I have to get a MUGA scan (heart) to make sure it is in good working order. The other two are oral. I'm quite nervous about these because of all the side effects. Pray that they are minimal & I tolerate them as I have the others over the past year. Please continue to lift us up in prayer as you have been doing. It is working!! The pain has been less intense & I haven't had to take the pain meds that I was taking. The lymph node in my neck that we had a CT on was the size of a dime. Will continue to watch for now. He wants me to have another PET scan in two months since the bone scan wasn't reliable enough to light up all the areas on my bones back in June. Now we know why I have been having the intermittent fever (bone mets getting worse). I know I haven't written much in the past months, but I'm going to try to keep everyone more informed. I need you all & your prayers. Hopefully this coming week I will find out when I will be able to go out to Houston. My PCP has to make the call/referral.

We had a beautiful day at Race for the Cure in Nashville. My mother, sister, & I walked together in the Parade of Pink for survivors. It is always a tear jerker. Our family did the mile walk. The event was the largest yet. Lots of pink!! Thank you all who support Susan G. Komen for the Cure!! Maybe one day we won't have to have this event, because there will be a cure.

Calling All Prayer Warriors

I know I haven't written in some time now. I haven't had a lot of energy & I know most of you just want to know what is going on with my health. Also I'm on steroids for the fever I've been experiencing over the past three months & I have mood swings. The fever has drained me & the only thing they can really contribute it to is the metastatic disease probably going on with my bones, which I will explain in a few more lines. I had a CT & PET scans before I left with Abby's 6th grade class last week. It was wonderful spending some quality time just me & my little girl! We made memories we'll never forget. I got the results this past Monday & it was good & bad news. Good news is that the chemo has continued to keep it out of the visceral organs. Bad news is there is an enlarged lymph node at the base of the right side of my neck that the oncologist wants to look at closer, thus a CT of my neck was done today. Also the bone cancer has spread. It now encompasses my skull, spine, humeri (upper arms), ribs, sternum, pelvis, & femurs (thigh bones). This explains all the intense pain & more than likely the fever. I took my bone strengthener on Monday & put off chemo until we decide our next move. We aren't certain if I should stay on the clinical study or focus now on the bone metastasis. l'm searching for answers from my Lord. It has been a tough few days. We are seriously considering MD Anderson in Houston. There is a part of me that wants every choice available & to be as aggressive as possible. Please, please pray for guidance, wisdom, & strength. This has really blown me away. Anthony is trying to be strong, but I can sense his worry. I'm having an array of emotions, but still holding on to the belief that HE has a plan. Lately it has been hard to see through all the fog.