Power of Prayer

As they drew my blood again on Friday, I sat there praying for God to let me have abundant little white blood cells in those two vials she was pulling out of my body. And you know what he has answered again! Not that I'm amazed by his power, but the counts were well over what I dreamed they would be. HE went well over the expectations. My wbc count was 5500, & my grans were 2300. That is the count of a normal, healthy person. Thus, I didn't have to get another Neupogen injection (booster of white cells). Praise HIS name!! What a Christmas present!! I know I have asked many of you to pray for this in particular, & once again our dear Lord has delivered. I was able to go ahead & get my Zometa for my bones. This couldn't come at a better time for us. We are surprising the kids & leaving for Chicago the day after Christmas. When I booked the trip, Anth said "I hope you are going to feel like going". Not only do I feel like going, I won't have to worry as much about being in crowds & catching something with my counts back up. God takes care of his flock!

It is that time that we are trying to wrap it all up, literally & figuratively speaking. Running around, driving to relatives, like we are getting ready to do in a few minutes. I want to thank you all again for remembering me in your prayers during such hectic times. I get back on my chemo cycle on the 31st. We are just going to hang out with the kids & bring in the New Year. My prayer for 2008 is total healing. I read my scan report while I was getting my infusion & while millimeters never seemed big, when it comes to something growing in your body if feels ginormous. Just think...if I get another report like I did before I will be close if not in remission. I will probably get another scan the end of January. My hair continues to grow. I came very close this weekend to just wearing a hat out to dinner. I know it wouldn't have bothered Anth. The kids were with my brother, his wife & my niece in Gatlinburg for the weekend, so we got to have a couple of date nights.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6-7

Deja Vu

As my mother & kids dropped me off this morning for treatment, little did I think that Anthony & I would soon be coming out together & he would be the one to take me back home. But it happened again. Today as I sat getting my blood drawn, I was thinking "surely Lord my white count will be great today, since I didn't get anything last week!" The total wbc count was 3400 & my granulocytes were 600. When I saw the second one I immediately felt sick. Again, I'm all psyched up about getting another treatment down, but it wouldn't happen today. Anthony could see the disappointment as soon as he walked in the door & I immediately had tears in my eyes when I saw him. It's a feeling of what could I have done to prevent this again. I regretted the few sushi pieces I indulged in Saturday night. Everything ran through my mind. Too much shopping, not enough rest, around too many people...all those thoughts just kept racing. LeeAnn was surprised too. She went out & spoke with Dr. Mainwaring & came back & told me he wanted me to get a shot of Neupogen (wbc booster), with another one to follow on Friday. We will see what my count is then & determine when to start back on the cycle. Now I only have chemo twice a month & a bone strengthener at the end of each cycle. Hopefully we will start again on New Years Eve. What a way to bring in the new year!!

After having lunch with my hubby, I came home & slept pretty much all afternoon. My mother helped out with the kids & I slept until Anthony came home. The side effects of the shot are bone pain, & flu like symptoms. It has already hit me. Please pray for my granulocytes to come back up. The cut off was 750 in order to get treatment. I'm sorry this entry is short, but I'm tired & just not feeling up to typing at this point. Love to all!!

I trust that my Lord is taking care of me, by not allowing my body to be making what it needs. Evidently the chemo is still doing its job to cause me not to need it another week. The Lord knows my body better than anyone else. HE has me under his wing. I just struggle with questioning him sometimes. A friend gave me a 90 day devotional called "Praying Through Cancer". It has great scriptures that help remind me that he IS forever faithful. He knows my every need & to surrender it all to him. Every once in a while I need to step back & realize that I can't ever do this alone. I have to keep my eyes & thoughts on HIM.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the LORD always, for the LORD GOD is the eternal rock. Isaiah 26:3-4 NLT

The Week I Missed

I haven't had much time to write lately. The kids got out this past Friday, & earlier last week I felt crappy. It has been a rat race with the kids, appointments, & winter break starting @ noon on Dec. 14th. I tried to keep chugging along & pretend I wasn't feeling tired. I didn't take much time to rest. We had four Christmas parties to attend, so I had to push on. The kids had basketball practice, game on Saturday, & class parties. They helped me get all their gifts together for their teachers & friends which was fun. Unfortunately, I knew Monday before last that something wasn't quite right. I had a sore throat for five days straight, & little energy by the time my next treatment of taxol was due. As I sat waiting on the research nurse to come in & review my labs that I already knew were bad, I couldn't keep the tears from flowing. I knew it was going to be another week without treatment. As she came in, she said wipe that sad face off & let me tell you what Dr. Mainwaring & I have discussed. Ok, as I perked up. I guess they already were anticipating my white blood cells to start taking a nosedive. She had found a part of the study that would allow the taxol to be discontinued if my wbc count was steadily declining. They figured this was the main drug causing the decline anyway. So I left there with nothing. I did rip my wig off for her, before leaving the room of course, & show her how my hair was growing back. She was amazed!! With the taxol being out of the equation now, maybe my hair will continue to come back. I'm not liking all the gray I see though. Before too much longer you may be seeing me with a little spiky "do".

Please continue to pray that my white blood cells will soar by leaps & bounds. I know the doctors know what they are doing with my treatment, but God is the ultimate physician. He knows what my body needs & how much. It is scary for them to take a drug away, since I got the great news a couple weeks ago. There is a chance, of course, & the research nurse mentioned that it may not "pack a punch" like it did, but it is better to take this drug off the regimen & stay on study. LeeAnn (research nurse) is wonderful & I trust her like I do Dr. Mainwaring. I know they are going to do all they can to not jeopardize my being released from the clinical trial study.

Everyone will know that the Lord does not need weapons to rescue his people. It is his battle, not ours.
1 Samuel 17:47 NLT

The Best of News

This is one of the most exciting entries I have gotten to blog so far. I got the best of reports yesterday. My doctor is one of those "cut to the chase" kind of guys, which we appreciate. No use in building up the drama. He walks in quickly like Kramer, & sits down & says "I've got great news. You are responding excellent to the therapy. The scan showed 40-60% decrease in the size of the cancerous areas & lesions in the bones." HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!! SWEET JESUS!!!!! I felt like dancing. He said that as good as I look, my energy level, positive attitude, & minimal side effects, that he wasn't surprised with the results. Can I get an AMEN!! I've got all of you to thank for praying specifically for these things!! He also mentioned that we (me & my support system of prayer warriors) need to focus now more on my white blood cell count. It is worrying him that in the next cycle or two ( cycle=3 chemo treatments & 1 bone building medication), that my WBCs are not going rejuvenate like they should. They have been in a steady decline, & not recovering as well as they would like during my off week of chemo. There are strict guidelines with the clinical trial that could jeopardize me staying on the Avastin. This particular drug is the standard of care now with some types of lung cancer, but hasn't been approved by the FDA for metastatic breast cancer. Maybe six months down the road. Is there anybody out there that could coach me on lobbying for a speedier passing of this? Let me know.

Please, my friends, pray this week for my blood counts. I need to get my full dose of taxol this coming Monday. No more reduced doses from low counts. I received my flu shot Monday too. He did recommend staying well & out of crowds. The kiddos will have plenty of hand sanitizer dispersed. They will have OCD by the time I finish with these treatments..HA.

Also I would like to encourage you to be part of Relay for Life this spring. I think you can access it at relayforlife.org. They are trying to organize teams, so if you are looking for an office activity, please consider this. I'm humbled to have been asked to be one the honorees this year.

I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion. It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. For the scripture says to Pharaoh: I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth. Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden. Romans 9:16-18

This scripture just jumped out at me this morning. I praise God each night for the mercy & grace he bestows on us daily. He is a sovereign God. His word makes it so easy to love him & our Lord Jesus. I just feel so blessed by him, even though he has allowed this to happen to my body. It is there for a reason, and I refuse to question him why anymore.

Almost Monday Again

Let me first start by saying how much I appreciate all the words of encouragement, loving hugs, & interest in my health & family. It means a ton to have so many praying for me & communicating through my blog. God has blessed me with so many wonderful people in my life. Whether you are one of my close friends, or someone I've worked with in the past, or someone I've lost contact with, or just gotten to know me through someone else, I feel God has put everyone in our life for a reason. And I feel I've got the best of all the prayer warriors lifting me up daily. Some days I just don't have it in me to pray like I should. That is why I have people like you!

As many of you know, Monday is a big day for me. I find out the results of the CT scan. I'll have to admit that I'm as nervous as a cat. It isn't the doubt of my Lord not healing me, but the fact that some drugs don't always work for everyone & the thought of having to try something else, would be like starting over. Also this clinical trial I am on has boundaries for lab/blood work. If I continually have something occurring such as low counts, I can get kicked off the study. This is in my best interest I know, but it tends to raise the stress level as tad. I also get a bit fretful a day or two before seeing the doctor once a month. He is a wonderful, caring man for which I'm sooo grateful!

I have felt wonderful these past few days, My weekend has been great! God is blessing me with energy I never expected to have.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear...Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6: 25,27