Friends

It is trying times like this that friends are there to pull you through. The calls, notes, text messages, lunches together can brighten the darkest of days. Sometimes when I don't feel good, just making myself do something with a friend will make me feel better. Just getting my mind on other things. On Monday, I got the pleasure of having a dear friend go with me to my treatment. She was in from Pittsburgh, PA for a job interview, as well as a funeral for her grandfather who passed while she was here for Thanksgiving. We just chatted, & laughed while I received my infusion of Zometa (bone strengthener). I can't wait for her to get moved down here. Also she got me in touch with another friend from high school who has moved back to the 'Boro. We all use to sit together at lunch back at Manchester Central High. Wow! That was a long time ago!!

I got my scan (CT) performed yesterday. Nothing like those two bottles of vanilla smoothie contrast! We probably won't find out the results until Monday. I have to get labs done again tomorrow. Pray my counts are up. My white blood cells are hanging low these days. That has a tendency to keep me away from crowds. I need to get a flu shot, but it isn't a good idea with my counts this low. Pain has been rearing its ugly head lately. Mostly bone pain, which is a side effect of everything I'm getting. I now have progressed from the "Brittany bald" to the "Sinead soft stubble". My head doesn't get as cold these days. I now have two cute crocheted beanies I wear at night. I thank Glenna, a wonderful Christian lady from my hometown church, for making them for me.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Our Thanksgiving Holiday

I already had myself prepared that I might not feel well for Thanksgiving. I had prayed as I do daily for the side effects to be minimal. I kept my energy all week!! I woke up Wednesday & Thursday morning feeling incredibly good. We proceeded to go see Anthony's family in Jamestown. It is a two hour drive, but through God's grace the trip wasn't uncomfortable. Usually my body aches after riding or driving for a while. We spent the afternoon & left around 7:30 or so. Friday we just were lazy, but did manage to have a bit of excitement that afternoon. My very independent son, Austin, decided to hook up a game in the playroom by himself. This involves turning the t.v. a bit sideways. It is one of those at least a decade plus old & BIG & heavy! All the sudden I heard a huge boom & then a scream & running in the hallway upstairs. We flew upstairs to find Austin in his room crying. Afraid he was in trouble, he was apologizing & crying uncontrollably. We were just thanking God that other than it landing on his foot, he was okay. Anthony immediately assessed & iced his foot. He made him stay off of it which meant hanging out in front of the t.v. the rest of the day. Anthony didn't want to x-ray it until the next morning. It was sore, & bruised but not too painful surprisingly. We took him to Anth's office before leaving to go to my mom's house for lunch. The x-ray showed all those sweet little bones to be intact. By the grace of God is all I can say about that mishap. Hopefully he has learned his lesson. By the way...the t.v. came back on, but it is so heavy I couldn't help Anth get it back in the cabinet.

Lunch with my family was wonderful. So much delicious food, no one even wanted to think of dessert when we were finished. And to top the day off, our UT boys came through. Wow! What a game! To Atlanta they go. Wish we were going. I sometimes miss those days of UT football, but our kids stay so busy, it comes down to priorities. Thank you Lord for all the many blessings of family & friends that I got to enjoy. I pray for many more to come.

Only HE knows

I refuse to play the "sick role". I say this because two-thirds of the time I feel "normal & healthy". Today I had one of my several talks with our Maker, & with the holidays coming up it occurred to me that I don't have time for this cancer thing. Yes, it takes a lot of time out of my schedule. I could think of a million other things than going to the flippin oncology office 1-2 times a week. I want to enjoy Thanksgiving with my families, but with the way things have gone the other two times I got my "triplet of toxins" there is a strong possibility that my body won't allow me. It seems each week the chemo plays tricks on me. I never can predict how or when things are going to "kick in". My next scan is on the 28th. Please remember me on that day. Pray that there will be no sign of bone lesions. I feel something powerful going on in my body. The doctor & research nurse tell me I look good & I can honestly say that I dreamed I would look like some pale mutant by now. And get this, my hair is growing back out. I've had two treatments of taxol (the hair remover) since my shave job. I'm not sure if this is another little trick, but unfortunately, I'm seeing way to many gray hairs coming back.


Lately I have run across some articles that give a prognosis of what I have. Needless to say it got me down & a bit scared. Someone asked me at a Halloween party what my prognosis was & I pretty much took offense to it. I told this person that I didn't even ask the doctor because I didn't want to know. Mainly because my three reasons for living were standing three feet away from me. Only our Lord in heaven knows when he will take me. It is not for me to bargain, question, or worry. I did tell my oncologist, as he sat in front of me ready to give me a big hug the day we found out what we were truly dealing with, to be as aggressive with me as possible. The only thing I could think of were my three loved ones who depend on me. Who would pack lunches, find the soup hidden in the pantry, make breakfast chocolate on the weekends, the list is endless??!! None of us know when God will call us home. I am just enjoying each day like it could be my last, just like everyone should be.

God uses the good & the bad in our lives to make us more like Jesus. It is up to us to use those circumstances to his glory. I was reading in Romans 8 & it just fit into what I have written today. Take time to read this passage.

I pray...

God is so good! Each time I sit it one of those chairs & wait for my turn to be hooked up I sit & pray. I pray most of all for no reaction. This can happen at any time, whether it is the first or tenth time you've had it. I pray that it will be a short period of feeling bad & that I can still be a great mom at least part of the week. I pray that every cancer cell is being stopped in its tracks. I pray for courage, strength, & no tears. I get somewhat emotional with each treatment. The fear of not knowing if it is truly working sometimes tries to creep in. I know this is a question of my faith in our Lord & I should not ever doubt HIS abilities. I know he has got to be working on things in my body. It is just too strange not to be having the nausea, & most of all the pain that I'm suppose to be having with the many bone lesions that are from my shoulders to my thigh bones. I'm looking forward to having my next scan to see what has actually taken place. Even though I get that great tasting vanilla contrast (2 bottles)!

This week has been uneventful. Monday night was probably the worst. It was if I was having an out of body experience. I just felt weird. For the most part, I think the steroids they gave me as premeds before the chemo were the culprit. I was nippy, & just wanted to crawl under the covers & hide. I went to bed early because no one could stand to be around me. I called my mom & she came to the rescue on Tuesday morning & stayed until Wednesday afternoon. Having Mom here allowed me to get some extra rest. Anthony & I got to have a date night on Friday. Both kids were spending the night with friends, so that was a nice quiet evening.

My friend just called to see when she needed to pick me up in the morning. Another long day having to get all three drugs. These usually make me feel the worst. I'm hoping it won't affect my appetite for Thanksgiving. If so I can eat with my families over the weekend. It doesn't matter if I miss out on Thursday. It is just another day. I'm thankful for each day I have now. This time next year I will look back & this blog will just be a memory...I pray.

Sapped

I can't believe it's the weekend again! I know time didn't fly like this when I was my childrens' ages. Soon it will be Monday also. I only have my taxol this coming week...thank goodness. This has been a difficult few days. I could feel the effects of Monday's treatment kicking in on Tuesday night. We were at the funeral home for Dr. Bradley (my OB/GYN & Anth's colleague) & I could feel my energy escaping me. Wednesday morning I felt like I had the flu. Anth got the kids off to school without my help. Thursday morning was the same thing. Both were wasted days in the bed. I laid there thinking of what all I needed to be doing & it made me mad. I'm not like this. Don't get me wrong, I have never been a morning person, but staying there all day is just irritating to me. Friday I got my hair cut & highlighted. It has become "more me" now. Saturday was Abby's first basketball game of the season. I had a rough start, but finally got to feeling better just getting out & seeing her out there playing her hardest. Thanks to all of you I got to see today for your kind words, hugs, etc. Sorry this is an abbreviated entry, but I am fighting a cold & starting to feel bad again. Pray my counts stay up so I can get the dose I need on Monday.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:16-19

Sea of Pink

We arrived at Bicentennial Mall in Nashville for Race for the Cure a little before 8 a.m. It was packed with people walking everywhere. It was pretty chilly to say the least. Survivor parking lots full when we got there & they had two. Wow! Anth, the kids, mom & sis & I proceeded to the preregistration tables only to see many long lines. I had everyone grab a line & I went looking for a shorter route to get what we needed. The small t-shirt line was the shortest, & since the kids needed smalls I went to this line. My friend Kristy was already in line, so I jumped in with her. We missed the Survivors Walk, but I knew I would be quite emotional. God has a reason for everything. I was sporting my "do-rag" there with my toboggan over it, until it got too hot. Off the toboggan came!! The kids enjoyed the walk. Hopefully I will get some of our pictures posted. On Friday night, they had already raised $600,000 & expected to go over $750,000. Incredible!! The jewelry, purses, gloves & scarves I purchased last Monday in Atlanta, were flying off the tables. Austin got lost from us for a couple minutes, & he went to the Komen Affiliate booth & found my friend Cate. We weren't far, but he must have gotten turned around, poor little guy.

The walk was amazing. So many affected by breast cancer in some way. There were many wearing "In celebration of" so & so, & thank goodness fewer wearing "in memory of". At one point, I had a lady in front of me, pale & bald, who looked as if she was struggling to take each step. It wasn't long before someone came up with a wheelchair for her. It made me realize how blessed I am to have the energy I've had the past few days & to know all things come from God. I get scanned at the end of the month again. It would be one of the greatest days of my life for them not to find a trace of this thing that thinks it can come in & invade my body without a fight! It doesn't know who all it is dealing with. I've got a shirt that say "I'm One Tough Cookie", a chocolate chip cookie with a face & a bite out of the top & it's pink of course. That's how I feel these days. Please continue your encouraging notes. I love them!!

Officially Bald

Friday was a rather a day I'd not like to revisit ever again. Mostly because it was upsetting to the kids. It felt good to have my head shaved. My head doesn't have that tugging feeling I spoke about in my last entry. When it was taking place, Abby lost it first. I was reassuring her that it was making me feel better, but looking better & feeling better are two different things to a 9 year old. She had rather have me looking better. My new friend Sheryl, who started HPI in Bellevue twenty plus years ago, was wonderful with the kids. As Beverly was cutting my new do, Sheryl gave the kids long pieces with tape on it, so they could entertain themselves. They had hair pieces plastered all over their bodies. They looked like "Cousin It"! Ha! She did bring a picture of me that she had made a month ago when I was there for my consultation. Austin grabbed the picture & immediately started crying. He said "I WANT YOU TO LOOK LIKE THIS!" It was all I could do to keep the tears from flowing. Xanax is a great drug to take before moments like this. Anthony was exhausted from doing surgery all morning, & he feel asleep some during the two hour process.

We rushed back to the 'Boro, my sister & mother arrived at my house the same time we did. Anth & I got ready, the kids had a babysitter, & we all went to the Survivor dinner at the Doubletree in Nashville. We had a great time! I won a doorprize (spa facial)!!! I never win anything!! My mom won a door prize too..a great candle, then at the end they told everyone to look under their chair for a sticky note. Guess who won a beautiful floral centerpiece at our table...mom again. She has won so many door prizes since I've been in this world. Kinda funny! AND she gets pulled over a few times a year (she has a lead foot) & NEVER gets a ticket!! Too funny!

When we got home, I was ready to take that wig thing off. My sister massaged my head & it felt wonderful. Abby even tried to do it too. Bless her heart, this is a huge step toward accepting it. This is going to take some getting used to. I feel like I'm carrying a sign saying "Go ahead, stare at the wig!" It just hasn't become part of me yet. My head gets cold, so I keep a "do-rag" on at home. The wig is only for going out. It still has to be fine tuned per se. A lot more cutting & major highlights or lowlights whatever it needs to be more me.

I'm doing great, feel great, but Monday is coming. It is all good, thanks to our good Lord!! Thanks for everything! Keep praying daily for me.

A Busy Week

My week has been a whirlwind. Monday was a no chemo day, so a dear friend & I went down to Atlanta market to get some great jewelry & other fun stuff for the Susan G. Komen Nashville affiliate. The race is this Saturday, so as their buyer I had to somehow/someway get down to Atlanta & make some purchases. We left Sunday night & came back Monday night. Tuesday, my youngest had a fieldtrip to a Franklin pumpkin patch. It was a neat farm & the kids enjoyed their day out of the classroom. I then proceeded to get the jewelry to my Komen friend & rush back to the 'Boro for an infusion of Zometa. This strengthens my bones, yet one of the side effects is bone pain. They were able to use my new port. The areas around it are slow in healing which scares me. Please continue to pray that these heal & I can keep my port.

My hair continues to come out by the handfuls. I have gotten where I dread another thing...washing my hair. It is amazing that my hair has lasted this long. Being thick helped extend the process. My scalp is tender & it hurts to run the brush through it. It feels as if someone is tugging on my hair. I haven't been tender headed since I was a child. I'm now reliving it. To continue my week chat, Tuesday night ended with the children at a Halloween party & a haunted hayride. We had a great time & I got to see some people, & got lots of hugs, which is always helpful. Wednesday was a bad day. I could tell on Tuesday night after we got home that the Zometa was kicking in. I lost it in front of the kids. The poor things are getting use to my crying moments. So needless to say, I was in bed all day Wednesday. It was also wash the hair day...another crying moment. Anthony came to my rescue, thank God. I was determined to go out on Halloween night, even for a little while. We walked around our neighborhood, until the kids buckets were full, then we went to our backdoor neighbors' house for chili. We all had a good time. It forced me to push on & try to forget the pain I was experiencing.

Thursday I started working on my jewelry purchases. I'm like the Tupperware girl, but with jewelry & purses. Hint for all of you ladies who need some cute gifts. That gets me to Friday, & I have an appointment at the oncologist this morning. More labwork...they are just vampires there. Every time I walk in they want some of it. My counts have been good these last two weeks. That brings me to later today. We are checking the children out of school early & driving to Bellevue so I can get my "Brittany Spears" shaved look & my new "virgin hair". Those two don't belong in the same sentence...HA! I'm somewhat ready for this, because my head is hurting terribly. Also I won't have to dread washing my hair anymore. This hair only has to be washed every two weeks & will already be straight. That will make for recording breaking getting ready time!! I may beat my husband now. I will post pictures of the process.

My sweet sister comes into town this afternoon. Tonight is the Survivor's Dinner for the Komen foundation in Nashville. My mother, sister, Anth & I are all going. Tomorrow is Race for the Cure at Bicentennial Mall. The kids are really looking forward to it. They had so much fun last year.

Thanks again for all your prayers, posts & support. It really helps to know that people care. Sweet Jeanine reminded me of a couple of verses when I was melting on Wednesday. 1 Peter 3:3-4