Change is Good

I know it has been some time since I've written. Much has taken place & I will try to update you quickly. After coming back from Sloan-Kettering in New York, we decided after much contemplating, that I would go off chemo & try the hormone therapy. This consisted of staying on the Arimidex I had been on for a month & to have a partial hysterectomy. After a week of soreness, I began feeling like myself again. My energy level was up & I could go longer stretches without having to rest. It has truly been a wonderful Christmas present. On the 22nd, I had an appointment with the oncologist. He came in like he had the last couple times. We had noticed that he was different & very matter-a-fact. He asked me how I was feeling & in turn I asked if he had any other patients that had had this done & felt as good as I have been feeling. He then quickly replied that it wasn't indicated & he didn't recommend it. Ok...I felt put in my place. He then said that he felt that we had lost confidence in him & that he felt I should go to Vanderbilt, since I had so many health issues. You could have picked my mouth off the floor. I couldn't even look at Anthony because I knew he was getting upset with him. I then replied, "so you are basically kicking me out of here. Is this because I went to New York & went with their suggestions?" Of course he denied. I asked for his blessing back in October & he assured me that he had no problem with me seeking out a second opinion. I feel I have to be my own advocate & seek out every option available to me, not just for myself, but for the sake of my sweet family. As a nurse, I have heard many times of the patient firing the doctor, but the doctor firing the patient doesn't take place often. I've been compliant & respectful & always asked what he would do if it was his wife. The kicker in the conversation came at the end. He looked me straight in the eyes & said not once, but twice. "It's not going to get any better. You know it's not going to get any better." At that point I was ready to cry. He then made his way over to listen to my heart & lungs, then got up & walked out. Like I said, we were shocked beyond words. I was able to get my infusion of Zometa, which he said would be a good idea. It was strange walking out of the office without an appointment sheet. For the next couple of days, I went back & forth between being upset & angry. A good friend put it like this. Satan is at work here. He is trying my faith through this man. I do not know if he is a believer. I want to think he is, & pray he is one. I just know that this happened for a reason. My Lord is going to take care of me. All we have to do is believe & pray without ceasing. My appointment at Vanderbilt is January 5th. I've been told this female oncologist has a great bedside manner. Please remember us in your prayers. I will have to get scans soon.