Change is Good

I know it has been some time since I've written. Much has taken place & I will try to update you quickly. After coming back from Sloan-Kettering in New York, we decided after much contemplating, that I would go off chemo & try the hormone therapy. This consisted of staying on the Arimidex I had been on for a month & to have a partial hysterectomy. After a week of soreness, I began feeling like myself again. My energy level was up & I could go longer stretches without having to rest. It has truly been a wonderful Christmas present. On the 22nd, I had an appointment with the oncologist. He came in like he had the last couple times. We had noticed that he was different & very matter-a-fact. He asked me how I was feeling & in turn I asked if he had any other patients that had had this done & felt as good as I have been feeling. He then quickly replied that it wasn't indicated & he didn't recommend it. Ok...I felt put in my place. He then said that he felt that we had lost confidence in him & that he felt I should go to Vanderbilt, since I had so many health issues. You could have picked my mouth off the floor. I couldn't even look at Anthony because I knew he was getting upset with him. I then replied, "so you are basically kicking me out of here. Is this because I went to New York & went with their suggestions?" Of course he denied. I asked for his blessing back in October & he assured me that he had no problem with me seeking out a second opinion. I feel I have to be my own advocate & seek out every option available to me, not just for myself, but for the sake of my sweet family. As a nurse, I have heard many times of the patient firing the doctor, but the doctor firing the patient doesn't take place often. I've been compliant & respectful & always asked what he would do if it was his wife. The kicker in the conversation came at the end. He looked me straight in the eyes & said not once, but twice. "It's not going to get any better. You know it's not going to get any better." At that point I was ready to cry. He then made his way over to listen to my heart & lungs, then got up & walked out. Like I said, we were shocked beyond words. I was able to get my infusion of Zometa, which he said would be a good idea. It was strange walking out of the office without an appointment sheet. For the next couple of days, I went back & forth between being upset & angry. A good friend put it like this. Satan is at work here. He is trying my faith through this man. I do not know if he is a believer. I want to think he is, & pray he is one. I just know that this happened for a reason. My Lord is going to take care of me. All we have to do is believe & pray without ceasing. My appointment at Vanderbilt is January 5th. I've been told this female oncologist has a great bedside manner. Please remember us in your prayers. I will have to get scans soon.

News From MSK Appointment

I'm thoroughly exhausted from our trip, but elated with the outcome. Part of me is also scared with what we are getting ready to try because I have been on chemo for so long now & have managed, through God's grace, to keep it out of any major organs. Here is what Dr. Veach recommended...for me to continue the Arimidex orally that my doctor started me on a little over a month ago. It is a hormone therapy. Also I will continue the Zometa, the bone strengthener which is given IV. He said that since I probably haven't gone through menopause yet, (chemo usually throws one into it), that I should receive Lupron injections to shut my ovaries down. With all this said, chemo will be stopped, because he doesn't like the idea of mixing hormonal therapy & chemotherapy. After two months of this, I will have a PET scan & CT to determine if it is working. If it isn't we will add the Avastin (IV) back & probably Xeloda (oral). This is an answer to prayers, because no one knows how tired I am of getting chemo & going to the doctor's office every Monday. He also mentioned that chemo tends to stop working after a period of time, so if we add one drug at a time we will have more options. The bone pain is also an issue, which he said if ibuprofen & Darvocet are taking care of it for now, to just continue. He did say that the bone cancer can spread into other areas. Radiation is not an option for me since there are so many places of involvement.There was nothing we could have done any different back in '03 to have prevented the recurrence. Even though it was DCIS, I had aggressive cells probably already in my lymph node around my collar bone. He agreed that I was just one of those rare cases. As he said this, I thought it was just God's plan. The flight did make the bone pain worse, which I figured out this summer when we went to Hawaii. He answered many questions & was so kind. Dr. Veach reminded me of a cross between Dr. Hester (for those of you that know him) & Michael Cain, the actor. We were thrilled walking out of the office. You couldn't wipe the smile off my face or take the bounce out of my step. I actually think I will have some normalcy back in my life for the holidays. I wrote a verse down on my list of questions before the appointment. "The Lord will give strength to his people; The Lord will bless His people with peace" Psalm 29:11 HE did exactly that yesterday!!

NY Bound

I just printed out our boarding passes & I actually have started getting stuff together. For those of you that know Anthony & I well, we do not pack until the very last minute. It has always been this way at our house. We leave Nashville at 4:45pm & come back Tuesday night around 10pm. Thank goodness it is only overnight. Kinda dread flying back on election night, but otherwise I would be glued to FOX news. Please pray for a safe flight, knowledge to ask the right questions & most of all for them to offer a cutting edge way to treat me. I went for six days straight without pain meds, but had to take some last night & twice today. I thank God for the nice respite. Also remember my sweet mom while she stays with Abby & Austin, & of course Winnie.

Answered Prayers & Wonderful Friends

As of today, it has been four days since I had any type of pain med. This is huge! I have all you prayer warriors out there to thank for continuing to lift me up daily to our Lord. I also got some great news yesterday from the insurance company. They called to let me know that there was a miscommunication and that Avastin would be covered as a stand alone drug. Meaning that the Taxotere that I took last week did not have to be given along with the Avastin for them to pay. WOOHOO!!!! So I suffered last week in vain. The poor insurance lady had to listen to me sob because I was so happy to know I didn't have to take that stuff again & I could keep my hair at least for a while longer. I seriously thought I was dying last Wednesday. God is so good!! He is answering so many prayers! Anthony & I leave for Sloan Kettering in NYC on Monday afternoon. My appointment is 8:30 & 9:00am Tuesday & we are coming back Tuesday night. Thank goodness we voted last week. My mom is coming to stay with the kids & Winnie. Again, I thank you all who read this & remember us in prayer. It means so much being covered in love, encouragement, & prayers. Also thank you to all my friends who help us out by bringing meals, transport our children here & there, run errands, take me to chemo & pick me up, & are just there for us. I can never repay or write enough thank you notes (I'm so far behind), for all you have done. I said in my last blog how last week I would had soon forget, but I must apologize for chemo brain having kicked in again. A small group of women made Tuesday of last week an unforgettable day for me. They had a surprise belated birthday party for me. We had a delicious lunch & endless conversation until it was time to pick up children. Melanie, Jeanine, Amy, Lisa, Amy, Connie...I love you all!!

Last Week's Chemo From You Know Where

OH MY GOSH!!! WARNING!!! You will have to forgive my graphic nature of description & the long blog. If there ever was a week I could wipe out of my life it had to be last week. Monday, I went to the doctor feeling bad to begin with, having a fever come back over the weekend, & Mondays I just generally hate now. The optimistic, cheerful person I have always been, for the most part, never thought I could hate a certain day of the week. But let me tell you, I am very capable of it now. After getting in "the chair" for treatment, the nurse asks me how I am & I mumble & tell her I've had fever, to which Dana has to relay back to the dr. She comes back & says he wants to see me in room 1. Ok...I'm sitting there & he slides in the usual Kramer sort of way & proceeds to tell me that my insurance doesn't want to pay for my Avastin alone. THEY want me to have a taxane added to it. They want to now dictate my treatment regimen! These are nasty class of drugs let me tell you. The first one I was on was Taxol, when I first started treatment last year. It not only caused my hair to fall out, but landed me in the ER three times with extreme arrhythmias, to the degree I thought I was having heart attacks. Dr. Mainwaring continued to say that he was thinking Taxotere at the lowest dose he could give me, which I was thinking I don't want any. I immediately shot back & told him that I have an appointment in NYC at Sloan Kettering on election day & I don't want to jeopardize not getting to see them. He understood, went ahead & wrote the order & had to leave because he was presenting at "tumor board", which I won't go into. I called Sloan & they told me it would be ok to proceed. There was no way to hold back the tears! By that time, Anth had walked in & I relayed all of what had taken place. He was not happy to say the least. I went back to the chair & had a seat & Kathy came & talked with me & I signed all the new papers allowing me to get another poison. The only thing going through my mind was Abby will be devastated! I just got my hair grown out almost to my shoulders & in another couple months it will be gone again. @#$%!! Started out with the good ole steroids. Nothing like a moon faced, humped neck, mean mommy!! These make me feel like my head can turn around! I'd give "The Exorcist" a run for the money. For the next two & a half hours I sat & sat, tried to read, cried a little, ate animal crackers, & finally put my game face back on. Mom & the kids would soon be picking me up after school. After getting home, I fell asleep quick because I knew the steroids where going to keep me up that night. I slept until 7pm. Tuesday, I got up & made breakfast & got everyone out the door & got a few things done because I knew it would probably all kick in tomorrow. Made it through the day and a sweet friend left us dinner. Wednesday, woke up hurting. Got up & kissed the kids goodbye. Laid back down. Had an appointment at 11, went to it, came back & the pain just wouldn't let up. Rotated pain meds, like the nurse in me would do. Called Anth at the office, but no answer that afternoon. Texted my girlfriends to lift me up in prayer. I was upstairs in the bonus room because it was cooler, a fever had returned to reach 102. My good friends Melanie & Jeanine got the kids situated for me & Jeanine came & held my hand & read scripture to me. She got a hold of Anthony & he got home. I forgot (chemo brain strikes again) that it was Wed, (a half day) for him which puts him on the golf course. He called the dr. & it happened to be a friend of his on call & he had me double up on my pain meds, which put me in a nice state of lala. The words sometimes just won't come to me. Needless to say, after going in & out until 11:30 pm, I finally was able to sleep through the night. Anthony got the kids off, made their lunches & all, & still made it on time. Thursday & Friday were just a blur from all the meds on Wed. If you called or saw me either of those two days, please just disregard the way I looked or came across, because I was not fully awake.

My Plan On Election Day

I got a bit behind in my blogging, so let's see if I can remember what all has taken place. After talking with my internal med doc & a new friend who has the same thing as me, I decided to try Memorial Sloan-Kettering in NYC. The nurse at MMC made the phone call & sent up the needed records. On Tuesday, the nurse called me back to let me know that they would be calling to schedule. She said the next appt could be 6-8 weeks. I thought at least they will see me. On Thursday after playing phone tag with Lisa the scheduler at MSK, we finally got to talk. She asked if we could come up Halloween. After a pause, I told her no. There was no way I could not be with the kids to go trick or treating. Lisa said she would call me back when she got another date. On Friday I saw Dr. Mainwaring. I found out the results of my MUGA scan in which he revealed my heart was better than his. WooHoo!! This is a man that swims everyday, looks like a toothpick & probably has the metabolism of a small child. These scan results are a blessing considering one of the chemo drugs he is putting me on. We went over the new regimen & after discussing the side effects of the Xeloda & the Doxil I quickly proclaimed how scared I was & he agreed that he was as well. Without much hesitation, I asked if we could start out one at a time. He had no problem with it. I start the Xeloda tomorrow morning. It is an oral medication. On the 17th of Nov., I start the Doxil. The main reason being, it will cause me to loose my hair again. Just when I get it grown out & looking normal. He said it would take a couple months, so I might still have some for Christmas. Needless to say, I went out of the office upset & thinking that Abby would be devastated. That morning my devotion was about being anxious & to rely on HIM. I knew that I had to remain calm & let HIM take care of things. I got myself back together & called Anthony. He was out of town & was expecting the call. He & I talked about the side effects, but he went on to say that MSK may have other options. No more than I got off the phone with him, MSK was calling. Lisa on the end addressed me & I immediately said "I hope you have good news for me because I need some." She then asked if Nov 4th would be alright. Quickly I said yes! I couldn't believe she got another appt so soon after the other. I told her I had chemo on the Monday prior. She then asked what I would be taking. I told her the above drugs plus Avastin & Arimidex & dates to start & she said all are ok except for the Doxil. Our dear Lord works in mysterious ways. He gave me the words to ask to delay the start of Doxil from tomorrow until the 17th. How cool is that?!! I've got several things to get together to send/take to the date. Please pray that chemo goes ok & that this new drug has minimal side efffects. I've got to book a flight & hotel so I'm going to be busy. Guess I should go vote early.

An Awaited Call

I so want to write about good news, but unfortunately cannot. The call came from MD Anderson not too long ago. I was so excited to hear that person on the other end. He didn't sound very old, probably early 20's. He asked me a few questions, & then the two questions that determined my fate. " What reason do you want to come to MD Anderson? " Here I'm thinking...dude I've got cancer & want to go to one of the best centers in the country & I need a second opinion!! Kindly I said the latter, but what kind of question is that? Then he proceeded to tell me that due to their patient volume that they wouldn't see me JUST to give me a second opinion. Well, that pretty much shot me down. I then said I wanted to see what treatment options there were for what I have. He then asked "what treatment are you currently on?" I went on to tell him that I just went off the clinical trial last week, so I'm currently on blah, blah, blah. He then said that since I started a new treatment that I would have to finish this up & see how it has worked. My heart sank. I pleaded with him..."I just started it last Friday, I will stop taking it if it meant being able to schedule an appointment with them." To no avail did any type of convincing work, so I thought I'll just ask to speak to someone else. After a short wait, a nurse was on the line. Again, I told her what drugs I was on & she said the same as that "young thang"! I was in tears & could barely finish the conversation. Oh! And to top it off she kept calling me Ms. Singer. I was so annoyed I finally said in a not so kind tone. MY NAME IS NOT MS. SINGER! She is my primary care doctor. My name is... She said "just a minute", & I could tell she was trying to verify to whom she was suppose to be talking. She then said "do you want me to call your doctor & explain this." Of course I agreed. So we are going to look into other places now. Pray that I can stay positive about finding other possibilities. The last day & a half I have felt horrible. Pray I can feel better for the weekend.

A Change of Routine

It was very strange visit today at the oncologist. There was no blood drawn for the first time since I set foot in the place, I didn't talk with my sweet research nurses, I didn't get any pre-meds prior to my chemo, & the chemo infusion only took 30 minutes. I'm not complaining either!! I will miss the nurses I have gotten close to over the past year. LeAnn & Shelley are angels, as well as great nurses. My primary care dr's office called & got some insurance info, so hopefully I will find out soon when my appointment at MD Anderson will be. I have had quite a bit of pain today. Enough to have to take pain meds on schedule. The pain has crept down into my lower left leg. This is something new. The prayers to relieve my pain this past week have been heard & answered by my sweet Lord, so please continue. So many of you have asked what you can do & this is what I need. Pray for a miracle of healing. That no more bone lesions will appear in anymore areas. Pray for daily strength to do the "mommy jobs" that I enjoy. My children are that beacon of light in my life & they keep me going more than anything. I find myself loving on them constantly. They are such good children, I must brag a moment, & the most wonderful thing about them is knowing they are children of the LORD! We surprised my mother yesterday at church. My sister was in for Race for the Cure so she went to Sunday school & church with her. The children & I walked in the same time they were going to the sanctuary & mom was elated to see us. They had the Lord's Supper & this was Austin's first time to partake since becoming a Christian. It was hard to hold back the tears watching both of my children. It is such a comfort knowing that both know & love the Lord.

Our New Plan of Attack

I am officially not on the clinical trial. We have to refocus the attention to the bone mets. The dr. wants me to continue on Avastin, which is one of the drugs that was part of the trial & has been recently approved for metastatic breast cancer. He has added Xeloda, Doxil, & Arimidex. Before I start Doxil (which is by IV), I have to get a MUGA scan (heart) to make sure it is in good working order. The other two are oral. I'm quite nervous about these because of all the side effects. Pray that they are minimal & I tolerate them as I have the others over the past year. Please continue to lift us up in prayer as you have been doing. It is working!! The pain has been less intense & I haven't had to take the pain meds that I was taking. The lymph node in my neck that we had a CT on was the size of a dime. Will continue to watch for now. He wants me to have another PET scan in two months since the bone scan wasn't reliable enough to light up all the areas on my bones back in June. Now we know why I have been having the intermittent fever (bone mets getting worse). I know I haven't written much in the past months, but I'm going to try to keep everyone more informed. I need you all & your prayers. Hopefully this coming week I will find out when I will be able to go out to Houston. My PCP has to make the call/referral.

We had a beautiful day at Race for the Cure in Nashville. My mother, sister, & I walked together in the Parade of Pink for survivors. It is always a tear jerker. Our family did the mile walk. The event was the largest yet. Lots of pink!! Thank you all who support Susan G. Komen for the Cure!! Maybe one day we won't have to have this event, because there will be a cure.

Calling All Prayer Warriors

I know I haven't written in some time now. I haven't had a lot of energy & I know most of you just want to know what is going on with my health. Also I'm on steroids for the fever I've been experiencing over the past three months & I have mood swings. The fever has drained me & the only thing they can really contribute it to is the metastatic disease probably going on with my bones, which I will explain in a few more lines. I had a CT & PET scans before I left with Abby's 6th grade class last week. It was wonderful spending some quality time just me & my little girl! We made memories we'll never forget. I got the results this past Monday & it was good & bad news. Good news is that the chemo has continued to keep it out of the visceral organs. Bad news is there is an enlarged lymph node at the base of the right side of my neck that the oncologist wants to look at closer, thus a CT of my neck was done today. Also the bone cancer has spread. It now encompasses my skull, spine, humeri (upper arms), ribs, sternum, pelvis, & femurs (thigh bones). This explains all the intense pain & more than likely the fever. I took my bone strengthener on Monday & put off chemo until we decide our next move. We aren't certain if I should stay on the clinical study or focus now on the bone metastasis. l'm searching for answers from my Lord. It has been a tough few days. We are seriously considering MD Anderson in Houston. There is a part of me that wants every choice available & to be as aggressive as possible. Please, please pray for guidance, wisdom, & strength. This has really blown me away. Anthony is trying to be strong, but I can sense his worry. I'm having an array of emotions, but still holding on to the belief that HE has a plan. Lately it has been hard to see through all the fog.

Our Hawaii Trip...first half

WOW! That was quite a plane flight! We left the house at 4:00 a.m. on Sunday, July 20th. We stopped in Chicago, my most favorite city. I found Garretts' popcorn on the way through the terminal to the gate & of course had to stop for a snack to take on the plane. After we boarded the very full plane, I realized just how long my legs really are. We did make the statement that we will gladly pay for first class next time for a flight that long. My body was hurting by the time we got off. The ladies met us saying, Wright family, Wright family, & we went up to them & received our lei greeting. The kids had no idea that we were getting this. As we proceeded to baggage claim & stopped by for potty break before our bags came out, Austin realized his new gray hoodie was left on the plane. He had sat in front of us with his sister, Abby, & she told him to get his stuff, like the little mom she is becoming. I went to the American lost baggage desk & told them what had happened. He took my name & number & I had the feeling that would be the last of the hoodie! Anthony & Austin came back from the restroom & we were standing there watching bags go around & Anthony says "where's my wedding band. I know I just had it!" He went back to the restroom & searched through the paper towels with no luck. I told him he probably left it at home & not to worry about it. That was like talking to a brick wall. The poor thing obsessed over it most of the trip. We started the trip off great, didn't we?!
We finally got the rental car & were on our way to the hotel on the west side of the island, Ko Olina. The tropical trees & landscape was gorgeous! We had a room with a beautiful view. After getting acclimated to the resort, we went back to the room & got our swimsuits on & hit the lagoon & pool. I started getting chilly & it was 85+ degrees. That night I was calling the gift/sundries shop looking for a thermometer. I sent Anthony & the children off to dinner without me & I was popping tylenol & motrin. My body hurt, I was jet lagged, but I was determined to sleep this off. The rest of the week I ate tylenol & motrin. I'm certain the altitude wreaked havoc on my joints.
On Monday, we hung out by the pool & lagoon again. We tried out the kayaks. I was with Abby & Anthony had Austin. We could have won big money on America's Funniest Videos. We did one thing & the kids did the opposite. Also Anthony got hit a few times by Austin's oar. We were getting ready to head back in when Austin tried to move around in the kayak. About that time Anthony said a gust of wind came & over they both went. Of course we all had life jackets on, but Austin had a bit of trouble getting out from under the capsized kayak & went he did manage he came up crying, best his pea picking heart. I was worried at first, then when all was well, Abby & I started laughing. Austin got right back in the kayak, but Anthony couldn't get back in so we ended up pulling them in to where Anth could stand. Needless to say the kids didn't want to kayak anymore.
Tuesday we took off to the North Shore for the day. We went to the Dole Plantation, looked around, ate pineapple ice cream, which was marvelous, then tackled the maze. It took us almost two hours to complete. Another America's Funniest Video award winner!! There were eight stations you had to find & mark the stencil on your card. The hardest one to find being the pineapple. We were determined to finish & we did!
On up Kamehameha highway, is the neat little town of Haleiwa. It is home to mainly artists & surfers. Cool little shops & dives like Kona's, where we had lunch, are abundant. We stopped at several beaches such as Turtle Bay & watched the sea turtles come up on shore. They were too numerous to count. Volunteers man the beach to stretch ropes out so tourists won't bother the turtles. Waimea Bay was our next stop, with teens & crazy adults jumping off this huge rock into the water. On the way back with the help of the gps system, we found Banzai Pipeline. This is an awesome stretch of beach, home to annual surfing competitions. The current seems much rougher than the other beaches we visited. There was no way I would play in the water here.
Wednesday, we had to take Anthony into Honolulu for his cadever lab. We went shopping & ate while he had to work. Another late dinner resulted in Austin falling asleep. The traffic in Honolulu is horrible. I found out later that Honolulu is the 11th largest city of the U.S.
The second half of the trip will soon follow.

This is Becoming an Old Shoe

Little did I think I would ever get use to all these treatment schedules, scans and blood draws. It's official now...I just finished my tenth cycle of all this junk. The Zometa I receive by IV for my bones is causing quite a bit of bone pain now. It usually hits on the weekend. It's like a stronger Boniva that you see Sally Field advertise. The nurse said the other day that I should have bones of concrete. When given for osteoporosis, Zometa is given once a year. It didn't bother me the first eight months, but the last two have been rough. The cumulative effect of it is causing the increased bone pain.
On with the meat of this entry. I got to skip this Monday's treatment since we are leaving Sunday morning early for Oahu. I asked a couple weeks ago if the study would allow this. I didn't want to be on the plane for 8-10 hours with my nadir dropping & my energy sapped. Usually day eight after treatment my wbc are at their lowest & being sick in Hawaii would be the last thing I want.
I got my results from the CT from Thursday. He told me everything is unchanged. I will take that news anytime! Thank you all for the prayers & support you have shown. The cards & comments are uplifting. Please remember us in your prayers as we travel. Pray for strength for me to keep up with my family, & for little to no pain. Pray for the children on this long flight, especially Austin. I got Benadryl individual doses just in case. Pray for Anthony as he teaches a surgical technique in one of the cadever labs. Sounds like fun...nothing like the smell of formaldehyde. We will get back on Monday morning the 28th. Maybe I will able to get some pictures on this with the help of my friend Jeanine.

Who Says Summer is Relaxing

With the price of gas at an all time high, I do believe I have driven more in the month of June than any other time in our lives. My children have been in some kind of camp every week so far. Abby had MTSU tennis camp, Girl Scout camp (even though she is no longer a GS), & now VBS. Austin finished up baseball season, then went to MTSU baseball camp, then VBS. They have also had golf & tennis lessons along the way too. And how can I forget swim lessons the first part of the month for both. Hopefully July will be a little calmer.
We will leave for Hawaii July 20th for a week & the children will miss the first four days of school, but there was no way we were going to let them miss this trip. My mom is recovering well from her hip replacement, which she had the middle of June. After a rough three nights in the hospital, she went to Adams' Place for rehabilitation. She has been doing amazing! My sweet mom is quite a trooper.
I'm scheduled for a CT scan July 9th. Pray for continued good results. HE will give His angels charge over me!! Psalm 91:11

A Quick Catch Up

I had scans (CT & bone scan) done the middle of the month. Results showed everything is stable & a few things have shrunk a mm or so. As long as the medicines are still working & nothing new is popping up, we are good. We are praying for complete healing & I believe it is happening. It is necessary to stay on the chemo indefinitely, so I also pray that I can continue on this study. One of these meds alone is over 10K!! Unbelievable I know! There is always the chance that the drug company could stop the study, something I knew when I signed up. Last week I was sick & was pretty much in bed all week. I think I caught a virus from Abby. We both were running a fever, but mine went to 102, which caused me to have to visit the ER last Tuesday night. Thank goodness for Mom living close enough to come stay with the children, since we didn't get home until 2 a.m. Wednesday morning. This is my off week, & thus far I'm feeling great. I had enough energy to go workout this morning. My blood counts were near perfect today as well. Pray that I will continue to improve with each cycle of chemo. The Lord is so good to me. I'm sorry I'm not a very good friend these days. I have been focusing my energies on Abby & Austin & trying to do as much with them as possible. Thank you all who lift me in prayer. HE IS MY STRENGTH & MY REDEEMER!! I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Phil 4:13

A Night to Remember

I'm so proud of my little Austin. He hit a homerun tonight!! He also hit a perfect line drive down the first base line. It was his night to shine. His team has only won one game, but they have so much fun out there & we have a great group of parents that are as good of sports as the little boys. It was a close game & they lost by one point. They play in the Optimist league at Starplex. It is a 7 & 8 year old coach pitched league & Anthony is one of the coaches. He was a very proud daddy as well. I hooped it up & screamed Austin all the way around the bases. He was so excited & getting an Icee after the game just topped it off for him.

Please remember me. I've been having some intense pain tonight. The bleachers at the ballfield usually do a number on me, despite my chair cushion. My back & hips have hurt more than they have in a long time. I had to break down & take medicine, which I haven't done much of lately. Usually by Wednesday the chemo kicks in, so it may be a bit rougher this week. Pray for strength, courage & energy. My children are very active this week, so I can't be down. Thank goodness school is winding down. I know many of you share the same sentiments.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Phil 4:13

Relay for Life

What an amazing experience the later part of the week. Thursday was the kickoff party for Race for the Cure in Nashville. Friday was Relay for Life of Rutherford County. But Friday morning I got a call from the florist & my sweet hubby sent me a dozen red roses for our 12 year anniversary. I ran around all day Friday getting ready for Friday night's Relay for Life. It had to be moved into Siegel High School's gym due to the storms in the area. It started at 6pm & went through the night. By the time 6am rolled around, there were very few people there, much to my amazement. My mom, Kim Fisher, Christy Huddleston, my daughter Abby, her two friends, Rachel Woods & Olivia Arnold, were real troopers & hung in there with me. Needless to say I slept all day Saturday & could barely walk last night to go on my date with Anthony. We went to Franklin & had a nice dinner. He even got the babysitter lined up ahead of time. The Relay raised over $70,000 & our team of 14 or 15 went past our goal of $2000. I'm so proud of you ladies. I've had the privilege of meeting so many wonderful people while being part of ACS & Komen. I hope those of you who read my blog will volunteer or donate to one or both of these organizations. Cancer unfortunately has affected someone you know or you wouldn't be reading this right now. It is too prevalent & I believe that science is on the brink of finding a cure for many of the cancers. DNA testing has come so far the past year. With this, it will take the guess work out of chemo, because they will be able to pinpoint the drug that works best. I thank those who donated to Relay for Life in my team's honor. It means so much to me for those who came & walked for as long as you could...Caroline Ott, Kristy Gross, Amy Wheeler, Pam Arnold, Sandy Hale, Melanie Woods, Barbara Rogers, Anthony & Austin, & Susan Lynch. I could not have done it without you!!!

I Feel Like Whining

Tomorrow starts my eighth cycle. To put it bluntly, I don't want to go!! I'm already tired of doing this. My hair can't grow fast enough. Right now it is in a very ugly phase & I can hardly look at myself in the mirror. Thank God for caps.

Please consider supporting Relay for Life of Rutherford county. My team has not yet made our goal. Go to relayforlife.org & click on Team Arthanise...Hope and a Future. Any donation is greatly appreciated.

Pray for me that God gives me courage, patience, & strength to forge ahead & not become discouraged. Many of you have asked what "indefinitely" was in my last entry. We will stay on the clinical trial as long as it is working. The oncologist doesn't want me to go off chemo with as well as I have responded. Being a stage 4a, the cancer has a much greater chance of popping up somewhere else. So as long as we are keeping it from spreading to organs or no new growth in the areas it first appeared, then the chemo is doing what we want. The fatigue, mood swings, & weight gain (mostly from fluid retention from steroids) are what get to me the most. The simplest of tasks have become more difficult for me. By the way, "chemo brain" is a very real condition & have I got a case of it!!

Now faith is being sure of what you hope for & certain of what you do not see. Hebrews 11:1

A Few Updates

It has been a difficult few weeks & I haven't felt or had time to sit down & type much. The kids have had spring break the last two weeks, & the week before that I had to be hospitalized for five days. I was pretty much out of it to say the least. I was starting to get the shingles & had a bad UTI. So I had to get some IV meds to get everything under control & a pain pump. I got home the day the "big snow storm" hit. I managed not to miss any of my treatments, because it was my off week when I was in the hospital. I did have another scan last Tuesday before we left out for Seagrove Beach, FL for a few days. I got the results this past Monday, & everything is still stabilized & decreased by another millimeter or so. No new bone lesions, thank goodness. The lymph nodes are slowly taking their time getting a bit smaller, but these meds are working, so my doctor wants to continue on this clinical trial indefinitely. We were quite upset with the indefinite part because when we first started we were thinking six months then a year of maintenance. He let me know that this was going to have to be treated like a chronic disease & there isn't at this time any end in sight. He did mention that the way DNA testing was headed that possibly in the next 12-18 months that there will probably will be a way to pinpoint the right drug that will kill the cancer cells in each individual. It could be expensive, but at this stage you can't put a price on health. Please pray for patience on my part. The steriods are driving me crazy. I'm not always a nice person to be around, especially to my immediate family. The weight gain is also bothering me from the steriods as well. It is worse than the chemo itself. I am still very fatigued, but am trying to start exercising again. Even just a few minutes makes me fell somewhat better. I am having very little pain, which is the biggest blessing.

I have a team started for Relay for Life of Rutherford county. I would love for you to join up & come walk a lap or two. No running or being in shape is necessary. My team name is Team Arthanise...Hope & A Future. I will place a link on the right side of the blog. It is important to get registered soon. Thanks to all of you for all your love & prayers. It means so much!!

I will live & not die & declare the illustrious acts of the Lord. Psalm 118:17

A Call for Prayers

It seems that everytime I start another cycle, (a month of 2 chemo treatments & bone builder), that the nerves kick in. I had to see the doctor yesterday & I always get this way. Don't get me wrong, I love my doctor, what a sweetie! It is just I always have several questions & those "what ifs" try to creep in as well. This is the last cycle of the clinical trial, & depending on what the scan shows when I see him again on March 24th, we will decide what is next. If all is well, as in being stabilized, more than likely I will be going on oral chemo. One of the drugs he mentioned though will cause my hair to fall out again & the other would make me super sensitive to the sun & I'm not vain about it, but not too happy either. This would be the maintenance plan. If things aren't where we all feel comfortable, there is a possibility that I will drop down to once a month taking this wonderful drug called Avastin, that I currently take. It would require me to go in once a month for infusion. So, needless to say I covet your prayers at this time for God to lead us to make the right decision. My children & husband are the ones I worry about the most & I want to make the right decision for our family.

Please also remember my husband. We are leaving tonight for Atlanta for another enhancement for his eyes. He had Lasik 10 years ago & had excellent results. The enhancement procedure is a bit harder than the initial surgery. He has epithelial (skin) cells growing under the "flaps" in which they peel back to laser the eyes. They clean the flaps before laying them back down at the end of surgery, but unfortunately his have excessive growth of these cells. This complication doesn't happen often. Follow-up is the next day & we have to be back by 11 On Thursday so he can see patients in Murfreesboro. Pray that all will go well & that I will have the strength to drive us around there & back.

Thank you Jesus for allowing me to climb into Your arms like the child I am to You. I can let go and let you hold me through this ride down a path that is unknown. Help me to trust You so completely that I don't even know the rocky places are hard. You know all and care for me perfectly. Continue to direct my footsteps according to Your will and Your promises.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1

UGHHH...Insomnia

I had my treatment yesterday. It was the fastest I've ever gotten in & out. Needless to say, I came home & crashed from the drugs that tend to make me woosy, & now I sit at the computer at 3:30 in the morning typing away. I have those nasty steriods to blame. Even meds for sleep aren't helping me tonight.

My wbc count was the best it has been in a long time. I was ready to go dance when I saw what it was. WBCs were in the 5000's & the grans (immature wbc) were 3200!!! My grans have been down as low as 600. Simply amazing & from God. Thank you for remembering me in your prayers this week. Having had a week off from treatment last week, my body has had a chance to bounce back. My mom came up & took care of the kids today, since they had a half day at school. She is the best mother anyone could have. She drops what she is doing whenever I need her. I thank God for her everyday.

There were two ladies getting infused at the same time as me. The one to my left was getting her first treatment. I could tell she was anxious & was in for a long day. Her granddaughter kept her company. I tried to talk to them, but I remembered back five months ago. No amount of reassurance could keep my nerves from taking over. Being a nurse didn't help either. The only way I made it through my first day of chemo was sitting there with my bible in my lap reading scripture until I got so sleepy from the meds. The other lady sat down diagonally from me, & it was very evident how much pain she was experiencing. The poor soul had this grimace & look of worry the entire time. I just sat there & prayed for these two for God to give them strength, comfort, & courage. It brings tears to my eyes just knowing the fear they were experiencing. I've gotten use to the pokes & prods, but the only thing I'm still not sure of is how I will respond each week from the chemo. How much pain, fatigue, mood swings... The kids still can't grasp why mommy is such a "meanie" so much of the time. I pray for patience often. Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. This hangs over a doorway that we go in & out of most often. It keeps me going knowing that He is all we need in this life and He is there anytime we call out. He wants us to depend on Him for everything!

Great Results Again

I know I haven't written in some time. There is good news to share from the scans. The bone scan showed much improvement in the bone lesions. The doctor said the bone pain I've been experiencing was due to my bones healing. The CT scan showed that the cancer was stabilized, with no new areas. I have been feeling bad, but started feeling better last week since it was my off week. The last thing I wanted to do was to sit in front of the computer & write about it. As soon as I got everyone out the door, back to bed I would go. My lack of energy was unlike anything I've had. A good book didn't even appease me. This weekend though I became the energizer bunny & purged junk from Abby's room & Anthony & I cleaned the garage out. Sounds like fun, right?! It is a liberating feeling.

Please remember me in your prayers this week. Specifically pray for strength & for everyone to stay well. With this new strand of flu going around, it makes me not want to get out too much. I had the nicest conversation with a lady from school. Her daughter & Austin were in the same class last year. She is a cancer survivor twice from leukemia, which hit her at age 12, then again before going off to college at 18. What an inspiration she was for me!! God has put so many wonderful people in my life to keep my spirits up, as well as be my prayer warriors. You all know who you are & I love you & thank you for helping me & my family through this.

There are two scriptures that really got my attention this week: The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10
It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. Psalm 18:32 As I go through this process, I know He is going to get me to where I need to be. All things come through His hands. He allows things in my life for a greater purpose than I often understand.

A Long Day

Whew! It has been a very long day. First of all, before I left for treatment this morning, we got hit with a big heating/cooling bill for our upstairs unit. This weekend our neighbor came over & showed us that ice was built up around the bottom. Great!! So now we know why there had been some different noise to it. I just figured it was in overload with all the cold weather, because @ the fall tune-up, everything had checked out okay. Getting down to more important business...I got my scan results back & we are very happy. My bone scan showed a significant improvement, with no new lesions. He said the bone pain I had been having was probably due to them healing. The CT scan showed that most of the lymph nodes had stabilized in size, with one or two maybe a mm bigger. The doctor was not concerned, & considered this a good report. I had asked for them to include my head in the CT scan this go around. He asked me why I had wanted this done. I gave him my reasons & he felt it was justified. It was just one of those gut feelings for me. Any how, it came back & the radiologist suggested a MRI to further exam a place in the anterior left temporal region. He wanted to get it "stat" then take the chemo treatment. So I found myself again at the hospital waiting for another test. I'm getting to know the staff in those areas by name. After I went back to the oncology office & waited a little longer, trying to read to take my mind off things, my sweet little research nurse called me back, handed me a copy of the report & said there was nothing to worry about. Went back to the waiting area, because there was "no room in the inn", haha, meaning no chairs available in the chemo (infusion) area. Let's put it this way...I didn't get home until 5pm. My appointment was at 10am. I came home & crashed. Thank God for my sweet mom coming up to take care of my kiddos. I love you mom!

I just want to thank the most important one in all of these great results & that is Christ our Lord. Without him, I am nothing. My devotion that I hadn't picked up in the past few days, was perfect this morning. It was "No Fear of Bad News". How appropriate for me today. The one scripture that I wrote down was from 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. I love this!! These days anxiety tries to take hold. Pain, fatigue, the general blahs, & the feelings of not being a good mom & wife, because I can't always give them my all. He will take all these burdens on HIMSELF, as he did our sin. WOW, that is so cool to have someone take it all away if we just ask. That's all...we just have to ask.

Thank you all for your prayers & hugs, calls, food, & support. It means so much to me & my family. Please continue to pray for complete healing.

Scan Time Again

Last week, to put it bluntly, was probably the worst since I was diagnosed. For one, I believe that my hormones are officially out of whack. They told me that this is possible, due to the chemo. Basically all I felt like doing was laying around & sleeping. Guess the weather hasn't helped much either. By the weekend, I really felt horrible & knew that my blood counts were down. So Monday when I went in for my bone strengthener (Zometa) & bloodwork I found I was severely neutropenic again. Almost as low as it has been. No Neupogen, but the warning from the nurse to stay away from crowds & liberal handwashing. Yes...I know this by now! So this is the end of my fourth cycle. It is scan week. I get a bone scan on Thursday & CT on Friday.

Please, please remember me in your prayers. I've had more pain in the last week than I've had in a while. My right arm just aches to the point of tears. Sometimes I feel as if God has forgotten about me. Hey! I'm hurting down here in more ways than one. I hate having those dark moments, but unfortunately they tend to creep in when you try to be everything to everyone, but just aren't physically strong enough to be "it all." I went to my womens' bible study this morning & realized how thankful I need to be to wake up each day & to just love my beautiful family. God doesn't expect the "perfect, polished look" each day. He just wants my heart & for me to talk & walk with him daily. Asking him for guidance, strength, courage, & most of all patience is so simple, yet some days we make it so difficult. Getting wrapped up in all the petty, little stuff can take the enjoyment out of life & that is one thing I want to savor.

Dread

I sit here a couple hours away from getting another treatment. Like the title says...dread. I got a little spoiled not having to go "to the chair" & be hooked up last week. My poor family catches the brunt of it on Sunday night & Monday morning. I'm not a pleasant person to be around. Momma bear comes out!! How I pray for patience & understanding at times like this. I have found much more fun things to do, like housework, instead of getting my butt in gear & getting ready. Please whisper a prayer for me this morning. My appointment is at 11:15. I haven't felt this way for some time, but last week was just about as normal as I have felt in a long time. My energy level was incredible with only one day of laying around.

As I'm typing, I am looking at something my sweet sister gave me that says "God is watching over You, I know because I asked Him to." He shall give His angels charge over you...Psalm 91:11

I hope you all reading this have a wonderful day & a beautiful week. My hope is to see some snow later on this week!!

Just a Note

**I wrote this last Sunday night & forgot to edit & publish it.

I hope everyone reading this had wonderful holidays. God has been so good to our family. I am so blessed to have all the support from family, friends, school families, & medical community. As I write this, I am reminiscening about what the past few months have brought to my family. I know there is still worry, & uncertainty, not just with me, but my dad too. The next scans takes place around the 28th of Jan. We are just trying to get through each day & act as if there isn't any cancer. My last two visits to the doctor have shown my lab work to be better since the taxol is gone. I am bouncing back after each treatment, with just having a couple days of feeling run down. I rest when I hurt or feel crappy & go again. My two children are my inspiration to press on. My Lord will not allow my attitude to falter. He has made me the strong woman I feel I am, which I am so grateful. I just keep believing that this is all happening for a reason that only HE knows why, & to not question HIM, even though the child in me wants to.

I am preparing for the Relay for Life kickoff tomorrow night. I am one of three honorary chairs for this event May 2. If you are able to participate or get a team together for this worthy cause, please consider doing so. Cancer has touched everyone in some way. Let's do our part to help with research & to help those who cannot afford treatment. How wonderful it would be someday for cancer to be a thing of the past & a vaccine away.

Holiday Blessings

Wow! So much has happened since my last entry that I don't know if I can remember everything. I just know that it has been a wonderful break for our family. I enjoyed sleeping in with the kids, making a gingerbread house, getting out with them, finishing up shopping, & taking in all the beauty that the season holds. I was so thankful to feel like traveling. It was so good to see our families & to eat delicious food. I can tell a difference since the doctor decided to discontinue the taxol. Other than getting run down easy, & the occasional GI problems, I feel good. I've got chemo brain pretty bad as well, so please forgive my forgetfulness.

We did have to leave Anthony's family suddenly on Sunday night before Christmas. My mother called to let me know my father, who has Alzheimers, was having problems breathing & that the charge nurse on duty thought he needed to be taken to the hospital. For those of you that don't know, he has been suffering for the last two years in the last stages of this ugly disease. It appears that his swallowing reflex is now being affected. When we arrived at the nursing home I figured it was going to be one of two things, either aspiration pneumonia or congestive heart failure. A chest x-ray was ordered for the next morning, & after assessing him, I was sure it was pneumonia. This is very common in these patients at this stage. They had put an IV in & were starting him on an IV antibiotic. He looked awful & had quit eating & drinking making him very dehydrated. I can usually get some kind of reaction from him, but this night was different. I knew if he didn't respond to the antibiotic, that there wouldn't be much of a chance for him pulling through. After leaving him that night, part of me was nervous about leaving for Chicago the day after Christmas. Having worked at the VA though, I have seen many cases like him that would come out of it once the meds got going in his system. It can sometimes turn into a repetitive cycle. I pray every night that God will have mercy on his frail little body. As of today he is still holding his own & has begun eating & drinking a bit more. There will not be a feeding tube placed per his wishes. The IV is suppose to be taken out on Monday (7th). Lab work was drawn, but I haven't gotten the results yet.

Please remember my mother, Jeanette, in your prayers. She is having a hard time accepting that Dad may not pull through. They have been life partners for 53 years. I can't imagine what she is feeling, even though he really hasn't been "with us" the past four years. Holidays are the hardest times for all of us when we gather at their home in Manchester. God blessed me with such a wonderful father. He was such a hard worker & gave so much of himself. He was a carpenter & built our house I grew up in. He was a meticulous carpenter until the Alzheimers began to take over. The smallest & simplest of tasks became so difficult for him. One of the last couple of jobs he did for me was some crown molding in our previous house. He & I did it together & I recall the frustration of trying to get the corners matched up. It was then the reality of it all hit me that my children wouldn't get to enjoy having their "Pa" around for many years. Being the baby in the family, I got to do more than the others with Daddy. I recall the numerous softball games that he would race home from work to get to the ballfield. I can still hear him call "go Arthanise, run, run!!" He & I would throw the ball before games. He was the one that got "let go & taught me to ride my bike. And the best thing ever was the day he brought me home a go-cart. His boss sold it to him for $100. I rode it almost everyday. My dear childhood friend John & I just about rode the tires off that thing. After I mastered that, he & I would go out on the country roads on Sunday afternoons & he taught me how to drive. We would come home & he would brag to my mom that I didn't "bobble not one time". The little things like this make me so grateful to have grown up the way I did. Everything was so simple. My parents are wonderful people & I want to thank them for doing such a wonderful job teaching me how life is suppose to be lived. Do the best you can with what you have, be thankful to God, stay in church, work hard, & always treat everybody the same. I love you Mom & Dad!!!