So Blessed

I'm not packed! Not a stitch in my bag. I have a mental list, but there is still more laundry to be folded & washed. I washed sheets & now have to get the beds made. Today has been nothing but errands after dropping the kids off to school. I now lay in bed so exhausted that I can't sleep...so I type.

My main reason for this entry is to thank all my family, friends, acquaintances, & total strangers for remembering us during this time. Anthony & I fly out on Sunday night at 6p. Please pray for safe travels. I got my H1N1 vaccine today as advised by my oncologist. Getting on that plane I felt it was necessary. I said a prayer as I got it. Please pray for our children, Abby & Austin. I know that my in-laws will take good care of them, but I know how those sweet babies think at bedtime. Of course they want their momma!! Austin asked me tonight if he could go. Breaks my heart. I just keep thinking why I am doing this. I don't want to miss a thing. Not a ballgame, next years volleyball season, another trip to Disney, checking out colleges, graduation, college football wherever they end up, another graduation...the list goes on.

So many have commented on how strong I am. It's all HIM, not me. I have to focus on HIM to get me through each day. I'm not nervous about going to Issels. All the details are already laid out. I just have to get on the plane & show up. Being anxious isn't going to get me anything but an ulcer. All I have is a positive attitude & great faith in my Maker that HE is preparing a much better place for me whether it be next week, next year or ten years from now. My body will be made new.

If you have your health take a moment & thank God for that gift. He suffered, bled, and died for you & me. No disease can compare to what He did for me. WOW! I'm so blessed!

What Would We Do Without Friends?

The last two days have been tough. Not sure why I'm having so much pain. A low grade fever is accompanying as well to make me feel a bit worse. This afternoon is fall festival at our childrens' school (Providence Christian Academy) & I hope I will be able to take them. Planning on a lot of rest today. Pray specifically for pain relief. I hate being in a fog from pain meds.

Yesterday I was able to forget & enjoy for a couple hours with two of my precious friends that will accompany me to California. Barb & I went & got pedicures then my other friend Tracey dropped by while our toesies were drying. We went & ate lunch & had great conversation. We all went to nursing school together & Tracey & I also went to high school together. Actually I met her on the bus to Brownie day camp & she had a broken arm. Isn't it funny the things we can remember from so far back? Tracey has an infectious laugh & a heart of gold. These two precious ladies have 5 children between them & are still working as nurses. If you recall my friend Barbara was in the accident June 22nd when the camper she was in at church camp had a large tree fall down the middle of it during a brief but strong thunderstorm in Greenbriar. This left her with a broken back & neck. She is here by God's grace & walking normal. She is an amazing woman & can do anything. I really admire her. Anthony will be with me the first week then I will have my personal nurses, 3 in a row. Kelly is so concerned & caring, She is giving up time with her sweet Grace. Then my sweet Christy, from church, who is nothing but an angel sent to lift me up with her encouraging words & glowing smile.

God has His hands all over this trip I believe. Everything is falling into place. Thank you Tracey, Barb, Kelly, & Christy. I love you!

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in Your presence Psalm 16:11

My Prayer for Guidance

It has been way too long since my last post. So much has happened. It has been difficult to talk about for a while. I'm sure a lot of you have heard through the grapevine what has been going on the last month. Back in the end of August I found out that the scans showed changes in the cancer. There are lymph nodes in my abdomen that have gotten bigger & the bone lesion on my right shoulder had grown to a size that I had to consult with a orthopedic oncologist. This angel of a lady, suggested that I have radiation to my shoulder, which as of today I am halfway through the 10 treatments. If this works then I probably won't have to have surgery later down the road to stabilize. For those of you that wonder why I haven't played tennis & golf, this is why. Just cleaning the house hurts. My regular oncologist was scared of a fracture, since it involves a long bone. She put me on Tamoxifen because the Arimidex that has kept the cancer calm had quit working. I knew when I started developing fevers again that something was up. To make the story shorter, the Tamoxifen I took for a month & a half really didn't help. The CT & bone scan on Oct 7th, showed that I have 2-3 liver lesions. I think this report had to be the most brutal blow to me than any other. My prayer for so long was to keep it out of organs. After many tears, I have accepted what the Lord has given me. I have had to turn the burden over to HIM once again because it is far too out there for me to handle.

My sweet doctor called to let me know what treatment options I had. They were chemo, chemo & chemo. One of which I will never take again because the arthralgia (joint pain) was so severe I truly wanted to die. I took a few days to pray & request wisdom & guidance that only HE can give. I've asked for a beaming path & he is truly answering with the way things have taken place. I believe in divine intervention & that if we seek, we will find. This past Friday was the determining factor. If my oncologist gave me her blessing then I would go forward. She was so understanding & said she knew that I was searching for something else. All she asked was to keep her involved & updated. With this being said, I will be going to Santa Barbara, Ca Nov 1st-21st. I will be in treatment there 9-4 Mon- Fri for those three weeks. Anthony is planning on being with me the first week, then a friend from Knoxville, then the last week is yet to be determined. If any of you know of anyone that would like to sell some of their skymiles, we would be interested.

Keep us in your prayers. Pray that this plan HE has for me will continue to be clear & free from influence of others. I also need uplifting to remain strong, & as stress free as possible. I feel my body cannot heal itself if there are negative thoughts, feelings, & words that the enemy wants to throw my way constantly. HE is my rock, my fortress, my strength, my redeemer!! I am so blessed even through my suffering.

Also my sweet mom (Jeanette Gilliam) is in room 1020 at Adams Place for rehab after her hip replacement. She will be there the next 3-4 weeks. I won't be here to see her like I do now, so if you get a chance, that would help me more than anything. Thank you all for your continued prayers. Love to all!!