Last Week's Chemo From You Know Where

OH MY GOSH!!! WARNING!!! You will have to forgive my graphic nature of description & the long blog. If there ever was a week I could wipe out of my life it had to be last week. Monday, I went to the doctor feeling bad to begin with, having a fever come back over the weekend, & Mondays I just generally hate now. The optimistic, cheerful person I have always been, for the most part, never thought I could hate a certain day of the week. But let me tell you, I am very capable of it now. After getting in "the chair" for treatment, the nurse asks me how I am & I mumble & tell her I've had fever, to which Dana has to relay back to the dr. She comes back & says he wants to see me in room 1. Ok...I'm sitting there & he slides in the usual Kramer sort of way & proceeds to tell me that my insurance doesn't want to pay for my Avastin alone. THEY want me to have a taxane added to it. They want to now dictate my treatment regimen! These are nasty class of drugs let me tell you. The first one I was on was Taxol, when I first started treatment last year. It not only caused my hair to fall out, but landed me in the ER three times with extreme arrhythmias, to the degree I thought I was having heart attacks. Dr. Mainwaring continued to say that he was thinking Taxotere at the lowest dose he could give me, which I was thinking I don't want any. I immediately shot back & told him that I have an appointment in NYC at Sloan Kettering on election day & I don't want to jeopardize not getting to see them. He understood, went ahead & wrote the order & had to leave because he was presenting at "tumor board", which I won't go into. I called Sloan & they told me it would be ok to proceed. There was no way to hold back the tears! By that time, Anth had walked in & I relayed all of what had taken place. He was not happy to say the least. I went back to the chair & had a seat & Kathy came & talked with me & I signed all the new papers allowing me to get another poison. The only thing going through my mind was Abby will be devastated! I just got my hair grown out almost to my shoulders & in another couple months it will be gone again. @#$%!! Started out with the good ole steroids. Nothing like a moon faced, humped neck, mean mommy!! These make me feel like my head can turn around! I'd give "The Exorcist" a run for the money. For the next two & a half hours I sat & sat, tried to read, cried a little, ate animal crackers, & finally put my game face back on. Mom & the kids would soon be picking me up after school. After getting home, I fell asleep quick because I knew the steroids where going to keep me up that night. I slept until 7pm. Tuesday, I got up & made breakfast & got everyone out the door & got a few things done because I knew it would probably all kick in tomorrow. Made it through the day and a sweet friend left us dinner. Wednesday, woke up hurting. Got up & kissed the kids goodbye. Laid back down. Had an appointment at 11, went to it, came back & the pain just wouldn't let up. Rotated pain meds, like the nurse in me would do. Called Anth at the office, but no answer that afternoon. Texted my girlfriends to lift me up in prayer. I was upstairs in the bonus room because it was cooler, a fever had returned to reach 102. My good friends Melanie & Jeanine got the kids situated for me & Jeanine came & held my hand & read scripture to me. She got a hold of Anthony & he got home. I forgot (chemo brain strikes again) that it was Wed, (a half day) for him which puts him on the golf course. He called the dr. & it happened to be a friend of his on call & he had me double up on my pain meds, which put me in a nice state of lala. The words sometimes just won't come to me. Needless to say, after going in & out until 11:30 pm, I finally was able to sleep through the night. Anthony got the kids off, made their lunches & all, & still made it on time. Thursday & Friday were just a blur from all the meds on Wed. If you called or saw me either of those two days, please just disregard the way I looked or came across, because I was not fully awake.