Only HE knows

I refuse to play the "sick role". I say this because two-thirds of the time I feel "normal & healthy". Today I had one of my several talks with our Maker, & with the holidays coming up it occurred to me that I don't have time for this cancer thing. Yes, it takes a lot of time out of my schedule. I could think of a million other things than going to the flippin oncology office 1-2 times a week. I want to enjoy Thanksgiving with my families, but with the way things have gone the other two times I got my "triplet of toxins" there is a strong possibility that my body won't allow me. It seems each week the chemo plays tricks on me. I never can predict how or when things are going to "kick in". My next scan is on the 28th. Please remember me on that day. Pray that there will be no sign of bone lesions. I feel something powerful going on in my body. The doctor & research nurse tell me I look good & I can honestly say that I dreamed I would look like some pale mutant by now. And get this, my hair is growing back out. I've had two treatments of taxol (the hair remover) since my shave job. I'm not sure if this is another little trick, but unfortunately, I'm seeing way to many gray hairs coming back.


Lately I have run across some articles that give a prognosis of what I have. Needless to say it got me down & a bit scared. Someone asked me at a Halloween party what my prognosis was & I pretty much took offense to it. I told this person that I didn't even ask the doctor because I didn't want to know. Mainly because my three reasons for living were standing three feet away from me. Only our Lord in heaven knows when he will take me. It is not for me to bargain, question, or worry. I did tell my oncologist, as he sat in front of me ready to give me a big hug the day we found out what we were truly dealing with, to be as aggressive with me as possible. The only thing I could think of were my three loved ones who depend on me. Who would pack lunches, find the soup hidden in the pantry, make breakfast chocolate on the weekends, the list is endless??!! None of us know when God will call us home. I am just enjoying each day like it could be my last, just like everyone should be.

God uses the good & the bad in our lives to make us more like Jesus. It is up to us to use those circumstances to his glory. I was reading in Romans 8 & it just fit into what I have written today. Take time to read this passage.