Whew! Another One Down

My doctor wasn't there today. He is in Italy & Turkey. For once I wished I could be a stowaway...any where but getting freakin chemo. Oh well, with the way time flies now in days, it will be Friday soon, & I hopefully will have my energy back. This weekend was fabulous, and this morning I was the energizer bunny.

The research nurse LeeAnn saw me instead & quickly observed my labs & said I might not get my treatment today. My eyes filled with tears. Here I am ready, psyched to get another one down & low white cell counts already?! My granulocytes were 900, a value of 500 equates going straight to the hospital. My total white cell count was 2500 (5000-10,000 is normal range). After she scanned the clinical trial information for what I must have for day 8 of this 28 day cycle, she said that she thought that I might be able to get a lower dose. She had to check with someone so I waited frantically a few minutes. Entering she said we could proceed. By 11:30, my port was accessed & I was starting to float again. Ativan is a great drug!!

Right before I was finishing up I looked behind me & a sweet patient of mine, that is a fellow survivor, locked eyes on me & gave me a surprised & perplexed look. She had grown quite a bit of hair back, so I kinda took a double take. It is so weird for me sitting by patients I have had over the last 5-6 months. I don't say anything to them. Most were a mess when they came in & since I work nights they probably don't remember me. Wearing scrubs makes a difference too. We got to visit a few minutes which was nice.

I realized something this morning. It was as if God made it crystal clear. We are in control of nothing. We make the choice everyday & set the precedence for our emotions, stress level, etc. I heard on WAY-FM 88.7 that most people have heart attacks on Mondays by 10 a.m. That was what really sparked my thinking of this control thing that especially us moms have. We feel our family has to look a certain way, the house has to be straightened, meals on time, the list goes on & on. But in the great scheme of things, it is so simple. If we are in walk with God everyday & depend solely on him he can be our personal assistant. If we have frequent conversations with him, he will make sure our day goes like HE HAS PLANNED. I didn't mean to get on a soap box my friends, but when you are faced with adversity & trials that you just can't handle, all you have to do is cry out to our Lord & ask him to take it. I have to do it frequently & it gives me such a liberated feeling. We just don't spend enough time on our knees & our eyes on our maker. Psalm 95

Thank you for allowing a Beth Moore moment to creep into this blog. I just love her. Keep me on the prayer chains. I feel your prayers daily.

And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:15-16 NIV